Year of the Horse

You are my best friend. & while sometimes I may doubt that, I know you will always be. Sometimes, I don't treat you like it. I yell, I neglect, I forget. But it is my belief that it is for your best. Because I yell when I know your capacity for knowledge, yet you don't make full use of it in your schoolwork. Because I yell when you don't eat dinner & later that night, I can see your ribcage. Because I yell when you run into the street, jump off the top of the playground taller than our dad, fight the boys at school & pick on the girls. (Please realize that all of that comes at a price and most likely, a punishment.) But I also neglect, & I am sorry. I would be lying if I said that I try my best because sometimes I am so tired to do anything with you. Too tired to help you with homework, too tired to play chess, too tired to play volleyball outside like we used to. Too tired to do anything except yell at your faults. Sometimes I miss you when you are in the next room but I hate you when you are in the same room. I don't know why, it must be me, not you. & Later, I regret all of the above because you have 2 parents and 2 grandparents on your case at all times and I should be the supporting sister, not another bad guy. I promised myself I would be your sister and only your sister. But it is hard. I don't know my limits. Giving me the power to control the outcome of your life is just too much. I don't want to screw you up, you are too important to me. But in the end, you are the truest friend I have. Your “I Love You”s are the purest form of that phrase that's ever been said to me and I am lucky enough to hear it every single day. You, and only you, have the power to make or break my day. Because I try to rise above everyone else, except you. At times, you can make me so proud. & other times when you screw up, I am so disappointed because I failed at something along the way. So I blame you & yell at you when I am actually blaming myself & yelling at myself. I want you to be a perfect person. I want you to outlive me because you are gonna do so much for the world one day. You will be superman. & No, you are not dying or anything. I just wish you would realize why you should listen to the people around you. There is good reasoning behind what they are trying to tell you, I promise. & I just wish you would give us a chance, promise me that. No good will come out of ignorance to those that care. Best friend, please.