Dawn

My grandparents left for China yesterday. I've been living with them my entire life, so it's very odd to not see them everyday. As is customary for most Chinese families, my grandparents are the ones who raised me since I was a baby while my parents were busy at work. I didn't think I would be this sad when they left, even if they are planning on coming back on September 19. My grandpa is 77 and my grandma is 76. It's hard to push away the nagging feeling that only one, or none, of them are coming back.

I believe I will be on another swimming hiatus until February, when MHS swim season starts. This week might just possibly be my last week at MTW, where I've spent the last nine years of my afternoons. Not swimming until February is going to make me so fucking miserable. It also really bothers me that my brother wants to quit swimming because he complains of a headache everyday. My dad is coming home from China today, so maybe my brother might relearn how to man up about things.

Bone chilling

Reading murder mysteries and suspense books always scares the crap out of me. With shows on TV like 48 Hours Mystery or the scary 20/20 episodes, it still freaks me out, but not as much as books. Books let you get inside the serial killer or psychopath's head and see what they're really thinking and how truly sadistic they are, and it makes me so paranoid. When I was at the climax of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, I was ready to just give up on everything cause I felt so drained and joyless towards life. I was much better after the story ended, although it wasn't that much of a happy ending. The suspense/horror genre in general is something I should stay away from, but I really can't help myself. I couldn't put down the book so I finished all 600 pages within the 24 hours that I bought it, and I plan on finishing the trilogy. I thought it might be a complete 180 to read after finishing Sense and Sensibility (which I adore). Oh and after reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, I read The Little Prince to balance it out a little more (such a classic, I love it).

I can't believe all the seniors are leaving. It wasn't so depressing to think about at the end of the school year when I still had a whole summer with a lot of them, but now that mostly everyone is off to their respective universities, it makes me quite sentimental. I'll miss the ones that I've gotten really close to through the years. I'm also jealous that they're already in college and I'm still stuck in high school, but that's a different story.

I have no idea what I'm going to write my college essays about. My biggest worry is that I'll be generic, or not give admission officers a full impression of myself. I honestly don't mind when school starts again; I love going to school because I get to see my friends everyday and I do enjoy being in class. The beginning of school, however, means college apps, which I passionately dread. I was giving advice about high school to this incoming freshman the other day, and in retrospect, everything seemed so simple back then.