Negative spectrum of emotions

MHS will not have a swimming team next year because we won't have a functioning pool. A bunch of us showed up to the District Board of Education meeting (both coaches, parents, swimmers). Some gave emotional speeches (I cried, and people who know me know that I rarely EVER cry), for pretty much NOTHING except false promises from the board. And then what do they do? Turn around and freakin' approve the damn budget cuts to CUT swimming next year until who knows when. Someone suggested to have practices at the Sports Center but then that screws up transportation. Another person suggested creating a bond to build a swim center but that would take years. It's extremely unfair for all of us. Anyone who knows me understands that swimming is a huge part of my life, as well as the lives of most of the swimmers. As a team, we can sacrifice and we will sacrifice. We will silently, without a complaint, allow them to keep taking things away from us like they have done these past few years, just don't remove us completely. They even admitted that they have been throwing money at the pool blindly without actually fixing anything! Wasted money, and whose damn problem was that!?!? I am so furious right now, but there is nothing I can do about it. We did what we could. All that is left is depression, confusion, and worry. I still have 2 years and I don't know what to do with them without this team.

Camp Everytown tomorrow. I was excited all day today but now I am not in the mood. At this point, I feel like I want to attend those 2 meets that conflict with Camp Eveytown so I can savor as many competitions as I can with my beloved swimmers. I now realize all the dreams that I had might as well be pushed to the back of my mind because they are pointless anyways. I wanted to make CCS some time within my high school career but I only have a few weeks left to drop 3 damn seconds. I want to be team captain, I had always thought I could try when I am more experienced but there isn't even gonna be a next year. I want MVP this year, my only chance. Time is precious and we don't realize it until one day, the alarm goes off.

Didn't make Trojan Olympics this year either. Disappointment, worry, and a bit of relief? Disappointment: I had a blast last year. One of the best experiences, hands down. Worry: Um, the team barely has anyone from last year and I doubt some of the people that were chosen will really be committed. Relief: No matter how much I wanted to be on the team, I don't think I would be able to commit time-wise. I would have to sacrifice swimming, piano, school, clubs and a bunch of other stuff that would most likely have a time conflict. I have too many things to worry about right now. I guess that evens out, I feel kinda neutral right now haha.

On a happier (just a little) note, Semester 1 grades are out:
A, A-, A-, A+, A-, A+
Just gotta keep that 4.0, hopefully all the way through high school?

Support our sports!

Today was rather stressful. So remember how I had decided that I wouldn't be able to attend Camp Everytown, on account of the fact that I have 2 swim meets? I think I have changed my mind (Sorry I sound so vague... I FEEL so vague on my decisions!) I used to feel like attending swim meets is something I need to do, while Camp Everytown is just something I want. Now I realize thats untrue, because those meets are preseason anyways! No big deal, doesn't affect our standings in the league. Everyone has been saying Camp Everytown is THE experience, something I will definitely regret not going to, a once-in-a-lifetime deal. The only person that is saying I shouldn't go is... me. And I am wrong a lot of the time. So that's that. I am pretty sure, that I am very much most likely gonna go to Camp Everytown. Once I said that out loud, I just got kinda excited haha :D

Fundraising time! This is the real deal. 15 magazine subscriptions by next Monday. They don't even have to be new subscriptions, you can just add on to your existing one. Did you know our MHS swim team is in serious danger of being cut!?!?!?! Who knows when, possibly next year, maybe even next week, but it's definitely up for debate with the current economy fiasco. A whole bunch of us swimmers are gonna show up at the District meeting tomorrow but voices aren't enough. Politicians need to see hard money and I am gonna try my best to do my share in this fundraiser. Come on guys, you know I would support you in a heartbeat! I really need this, and I would greatly appreciate if you helped me out. Not just me actually, you would be helping our entire swim team and we will love you for it.

This about this: we already swim in a ghetto pool in dismal conditions. Some days it's not even clean with God-knows-what crap floating around, some days it isn't warmed up properly (like today, it was so mind-numbingly cold that after only a few laps, everyone had major headaches and pounding eardrums), our lanelines are breaking apart, and we don't even have blocks and therefore cannot have any home meets. But all of those above is not what we are aiming for. We are aiming for the existence of a team in itself. We will (and currently do) suffer through all that regardless, just because we want to be at swimming practice everyday. We are 70 strong, one of the biggest sports teams and many may not realize this, but one of the liveliest too. We deserve to continue doing what we do. I don't want to lose swimming, none of us do. It would be heartbreaking for all of us. Where would we go!? What will we do with our lives!? (Okay, I am exaggerating.) But you get my point, right? I don't want to have to resort to begging... so if you are interesting in magazine subscriptions, please see me by either tomorrow or Wednesday. Thanks!

Another season of memories

Practice on Thursday morning was bomb. People were clever enough to bring underwater cameras and we had tons of fun with that. Varsity to a JV person: "You are not supposed to blow bubbles! Gosh you are such a rookie." Haha! Bubbles can ruin an underwater picture though, for the record. (I just got pictures from Facebook, which is why I am mentioning it now)







Denny's afterward with most of the team. Introductions around the table like at an AA meeting: "My name is ___" then "HI ___!" Haha. Total of about 25 people but missing coach Pagan and a few others.

Waking up early sucks

This is gonna be a pointless blog; basically just what I did these past few days. Nerd stuff mostly, quite eventful but not TOO exciting. For my memory purposes only.

Friday: US Open Piano competition! Ugh, I don't think I have ever been that scared in my life. I don't even know why either; I didn't expect anything cause after all, it's a national competition. And whaddya know, I didn't get anything. Apparently, I wasn't articulate enough, I completely forgot some dynamics, and even repeated a part cause I blanked out on what I was playing. But for the record, it was the most nervewracking moment of my life thus far. My dad helped me take some nerves off by trying (key word: trying) to make me laugh and saying it's not a big deal. He was pretty supportive even though he admitted, "I know piano is not your thing, so I understand." (Wow, thanks.) And my mom later said, "If you won, it wouldn't have been fair anyways cause you barely practice!" (True, but ouch!) Afterwards, THAT is when I felt like my break has started. I was kinda disappointed about my performance but I was totally relieved that the long and agonizing stress of competing in front of actual musicians (they call the judges "adjudicators," whatever that means) is OVER! Went to library for science competition meeting and met up with Kevin Nguyen (guy in sunglasses, hahaha) for AP World stuff. He is a total bully, who still owes me frozen yogurt. Anyways, studied about rogue waves, tsunamis, knots, the Mohorocivic discontinuity, and the Coreolis effect for science competition the next day. Off to Ikea an hour before it was about to close to hunt for a queen bed that my parents had promised me for my birthday. They wanted something girly with nasty flowers and said my simple choice looked like a hospital bed. Since when are hospital beds black and made of metal? Walked away with marzipans and caviar bought from the Swedish marketplace. Ikea is great.

Saturday: School at 7 (ugh). Woke up with beautifully curly hair! I wish my hair would do that everyday. Me and my mom laughed about how excited my dad was to rent a wood chipper and how disappointed he was when we told him it was gonna rain. Ride to San Francisco State University in Ms. Meyer's Prius. Free breakfast! Free lunch! (Boudin sandwicihes, DELICIOUS! Ate 2 halves and took 1 to-go. So what! I gave it to my mommy hehe.) Free t-shirts, pens, pencils, calendar, and mug! In the actual competition, I wasn't too useful in the buzzer rounds (5 states border the Pacific, not 3!) but I did do a bit of my share in the team challenge stuff. Won 1 round, lost 3 (Mission San Jose is BOSS. Wouldn't let anyone else answer, damn). Learned some coooool stuff, no lie. Like did you know: Because your body is 2/3's water, you are actually lighter when there is a full or new moon because of the gravitational pull? Science amazes me but I suck at memorization. Afterwards, went in domed planetarium (made me dizzy), observatory deck (SF sky was too cloudy to see anything), visited tadpole lab (remember: distilled water almost always counts as a lab error), and learned about stem cells (flourescent dye!). Then went to SFSU bookstore and bought a hilarious Extreme Rock, Paper, Scissors poster. I love it! My brother loves it more though haha. Also wanted an Audrey Hepburn poster (ikea had a better one, but for freakin $80!) and a "Why So Serious?" poster (which made me so sad when it was sold out at Wal-mart) but I thought I should save my money. Now I am regretting it, I will get those eventually!

See? I told you it was pointless. Anyways, the rest of this weekend involves AP World test reviews, English journals, AQWF chapters 2-5, Chinese school, laundry, and a big rain storm coming. I am not looking forward to any of the above and don't really plan to finish my homework until Sunday night. I have woken up early (against my will, of course) for 6 days out of the 9 days of my break. Let me tell you, it is a huuuuge bummer.

JFK, FDR

"Our problems are man-made, therefore they may be solved by man. And man can be as big as he wants. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings." -- John F. Kennedy

I wish I could meet JFK, he seems like an interesting character. I like this quote too, it's reminding me not to blow things out of proportion. But I gotta say, my favorite (dead) president is FDR. I would very much like to meet the entire Roosevelt family actually, Eleanor Roosevelt especially. And since I am talking about presidents, I would also like to meet Obama. I have a higher (although still very unlikely) chance of meeting him cause after all, he isn't dead. *knock on wood!

I had to remake my break schedule; I have so many places to be at tomorrow. Being busy takes my mind off things. Worthy distractions. An empty mind can wander to unsafe places.

Mom & dad, 17 years. Keep on swimming (:

Ice, roses, and silly faces

The Harbin Ice Lantern Festival in Harbin, China is here! It's been coined “the world’s most famous ice festival” by the New York Times. But the coolest part is... Harbin city in Heilongjiang province is my dad’s hometown and he would always talk about taking me to the festival that he would visit so often in his childhood. This year, the theme is Disneyland!


So anyways, I thought I might share a picture I took of my dad and my brother when they were being especially annoying and loud today. I took a lot more (and a video too) but my dad is priceless in this one. They really are so much alike, even though my dad is the “2nd best friend” of my brother (My mom and I share the honor of being first haha, although the order changes a lot).


Oh, and the roses are from my daddy for Valentine's. A dozen each for me, my mom, and my grandma. My parent's anniversary is tomorrow! I know what they are getting each other, but I can keep a secret... (;

To top it all off

This whole entire day I kept thinking about what a failure I am. How I am totally gonna embarrass myself at the piano competition cause I can memorize an 8 page song but I can't play it without having my fingers jam up from over practicing. My fingers, hands, arms, everything, is throbbing. I don't think I have ever played piano this much in one day. It seems too much of a good thing is a bad thing. And now I am 99% sure that I am not gonna compete in that song; instead, I am planning to focus my time on my other competition piece. I am quitting and I have let myself down, it really is the worst feeling in the world. Mozart would hate me right now, cause I certainly do.

My dad is forcing me to make a schedule on how I am gonna spend my break. We had a stupid argument about it; does he really not think I am not old enough to handle myself? I have gone through plenty of breaks by just winging it and still managed to get everything done. I HATE limiting myself and confining myself to some bullshit written on paper. But I am doing it anyways, cause it's my dad after all. Planning out my week is making me realize how much crap I have to do, and not cause of school homework. It's everything else... science competition, piano competition, summer camp applications & reading assignments, swimming, Chinese school projects, SAT vocabulary. (All of the above is to be done daily, repeat until break ends.)

Who the hell gave you the authority to go around telling everyone what is right and what is wrong? It's stupid how you think everything that you say is legit, how your word is authority and everyone else is a little creature bowing down to you. You are not as wise as any of the rest of us; we are all going through the same shit, trynna live our own lives. It's best if everyone ignored your pretentious bullshit.

All at once

I have a piano competition Tuesday. TUESDAY!!! FUCKING SHIT. Am I ready? I don't even feel close to ready. I am fucking scared shitless. My fingers are jamming up when I practice, I start to forget how to play it, I start sweating when I think about it. I AM FREEEEEEAKING OUT. OH MY FUCKING GOSH. This is too much pressure... My mind is going in a million different directions. I can't concentrate on anything, I am trying to study for a science competition but I can't. I haven't been able to sleep these past few days. It is getting harder to stop saying I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. It has become a mantra for me. I hate my fucking life.

On the bright side: Bought a new pair of jeans, 3 random reference books for my super organized & lovely bookshelf, and a $1 calendar. But oh my gosh, I hate my life.

Gabe Bondoc

He is a cutie with a cutie voice. Is it just me, or does he have the smallest eyes in a sea of asians?

I am not stupid, kinda funny that you thought I would be. Last straw.

Consistency

Life has been a bit frazzling. Break is coming so you know what that means. Teachers shoving all the homework & projects they can on you and make all of it due Friday. I had a Chem 3D model, poster, bookwork, and AP world packet all due tomorrow. Oh yeah, can't forget that AP world test too.

At least swimming is stable. Practice everyday, whether you like it or not, rain or shine (or in yesterday's case, thunder... we could have died!) Something I can depend on. Our varsity team is getting a whole lot smaller but in some ways, we are getting closer. We need to depend on each other more than ever now.


Growing tensions with my mom. She blames my teenage hormones but I blame her for stressing out at work (and maybe a little bit on my hormones). I think it is a two-way street, both are the cause. But she doesn't realize that! I HATE when people cut me off in the middle of an explanation. I want to be heard sometimes but she doesn't let me talk. What has solely been one voice just plain old yelling at me is starting to become a two-way conversation (with raised voices, I admit). Things are changing and people are growing. I am beginning to stand my ground a little more, just a little bit. But I am not venturing far from home, a friend helped me realize I need my mother more than I need anything else right now.

Couch potatoes

Generally, human beings are lazy. Mr. Harrison said that last week but now that I think about it, I realize it's completely true. We don't do anything without the incentive to do so. We go to work, but only if we get paid. We donate to charity, but we make sure we get a tax break. We do homework because our grade suffers, not so much because we actually care about what we are learning. I am no exception; I am lazy and sometimes, I feel totally useless. I don't do anything unless I have to or unless it is the last minute of the day. There is a word for this... procrastination, maybe? Ugh. But one of my biggest pet peeves is being unproductive. And because I must be productive, I want to overcome bit by bit this laziness. Morning practice is totally optional for Varsity but I have made it a personal goal to show up every morning except Mondays (Come on, I have my limits haha). Hopefully, I will teach myself a much-needed lesson. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, it is totally unacceptable to realize what you are doing wrong but doing nothing to change it.

So I bought this chocolate milk flavored nutrition drink cause my stomach cannot take anything else at 5am right before practice. Surprisingly, this chocolate milk flavored nutrition drink is so much more better tasting than regular chocolate milk. And it has vitamins and all that good stuff! Double yay!

My friend is going to Europe and he said he is gonna bring me back a tall, dark-haired Italian that can swim as a souvenir. Just what I wanted! :D

Rihanna, you deserve better. Chris Brown, you are a dick. By assaulting Rihanna, you just assaulted your very own career.

The entertainment industry

My Chinese classroom on Sundays at Washington High School is also the classroom of the AP Psychology class. So when my mind wanders like it always does when my teacher lectures, I read some very interesting posters around the room. One phrase caught my eye, “Make a decision based on the product and not the salesperson.” Doesn't that sound so... philosophical?

The research I have done for my persuasive essay on piracy and copyright infringement is kind of a wake-up call. Apparently, file sharing (Limewire) leaves your computer open to people who can access personal information such as personal pictures, bank accounts, and passwords. Not to mention viruses of course. Someone wanna get me an iTunes giftcards so I can download songs? Haha jk.

I watched this one really disturbing (but hella sick!) episode of Law & Order: SVU last night where this 14-year-old girl kills another girl because they are both highly competitive students and the smartest in their class at the best private school in the nation. It's like nerd world gone completely ballistic. Drugs, mental insanity, rape, murder, all that stuff. The girl that played Jennifer (Sarah Hyland) is an extremely talented actress; she scared the hell out of me with her acting, is totally cute, and kinda reminds me of Vanessa Hudgens.

Desperate Housewives tonight!

Feeling like a lost cause

There are many reasons why I "stopped swimming" not "quit". First of all, all you young people are too damn fast. You, Wendy, Vincent, Tung, Gideon, Kelvin. I can't compete with that. Secondly, everyone complains about Pagan being a bad coach, so I'm doing something about it. Thirdly, I've reached my limit and next year there isn't going to be any swimming. (Donald)

What the hell is happening? Everything is going wrong. This is not how I imagined high school swimming at all. It was supposed to be a time of extreme team bonding, cheering on your relay team, eating out after meets, and suffering through endless practices together but it seems that will only happen my freshmen year. I love swimming but I might lose it cause of budget cuts. I love swimming but our coach is not someone I can really respect. I love swimming with the greatest people I know but some of them have "stopped swimming". Michelle Tu has moved, Donald, Alan, and Peter (all in varsity too!) have quit. At least we have two "super freshmen" this year (Vincent, Amy), the tradition continues from last year I guess (Gideon, Zack, Tung, me). We honestly can't afford to lose that many people, especially people part of our best relay team. We all had a spot to fill, we all had a family. If we had tried hard enough, we could have continued together just for the sake of each other. It depresses me that JV can barely swim and I have to teach them the simplest things, like how to swim fly or what an interval is. It depresses me that varsity is getting smaller and smaller. It depresses me that there is stupid tension and behind-the-back drama just for the spot of team captain. Our team needs a revival, but we don't have a single solution.

I have made my decision, and this time I am gonna be firm about it. It's what's best. I HAVE tried, time and time again.

Basic Eight

Martin Luther King Jr. once said that peace is not merely the absence of violence but also the presence of a positive force. On that note, happiness would be the absence of despair and the presence of light. Beauty would be the absence of ugliness and the presence of attractiveness. White would be the absence of color and the presence of being neutral. Intelligence: the absence of inability and the presence of knowledge. In court, innocence is not the absence of guilt but rather the presence of insufficient evidence of guilt. What does this all mean really? To me, it means that you cannot solve a problem by eliminating it. You eliminate it, something else will definitely fill it. Also, it is important to realize abstract ideas are always two-sided. Every issue has at least two ways to analyze it. Taking an abstract idea and attempting to define it in one word is not enough. Making all of these connections kinda ties into my life right now.

500 cases of illness, including 8 deaths, from the salmonella outbreak in peanut butter (Dang, so much for eating Gramwichs everyday). It really bothers me how the companies that shipped the peanut butter knew it was tainted but continued shipping it anyway. Doesn't it remind you of the recent Chinese milk scare? How ironic... as much as the U.S. likes to distance itself from Asia, it turns out that Americans may not be as superior as they would like to think. For me, it really puts things into perspective. The (uber biased) Western media makes a big deal out of Eastern tainted milk but whaddya know! Same thing. American media blows things out of proportion but downplays its own mistakes. Wake up, damn it! Corruption is a two-way street.

I have a lot to do this weekend and no motivation to do it. Gluttony and sloth have become a problem for me. I like sleeping, its an escape. I need sleep, I need an escape.

All the swimmers I know HATE rain. I, for one, hate it with a passion. Apparently we like to keep our wetness in the pool. We get enough of water each day, thank you very much. Being soggy wet with clothes on is just weird.

Troublemakers

My temper goes out of hand sometimes. But when faced with something that you cannot control, something that is totally not your fault but you are being punished for it, I gotta admit... it hurts. I don't really want to be part of the plan but I kinda have to. Its an obligation. But I guess there is an emotional reason too, I have no where else to go really, no one else. And once I realize that, I can begin to appreciate what I really have.

Swimming practice at 6am is fucking freezing, and it sucks to have PE right after then practice again afterschool (I got sunburned yesterday! How lame). But its nice... I feel so amazingly refreshed afterwards. Its definitely not easy, battling the cold and the urge to go back to sleep, but I like a challenge, pushing myself, seeing how far I can go. Practice is hard, harder than you can probably imagine but I have never missed a set since the first day. Lazy people, who don't know what is good for them, really piss me off and jumpstart my temper (kinda ties in with the first paragraph).

5th period was incredibly hilarious today. It always is! Ashley, Kevin, Jonathan, Eddie, Rowena are the best (maybe not Eddie and Kevin cause they are jerky sometimes hahaha, but within reason I guess). I swear I cried from laughing so hard today. Me and Ashley walked to 6th period like drunken little bastards<3 Haha

Cat and mouse... but mice are so damn stupid.

Yellow goodness

Apparently, Michael Phelps smokes pot (Google it if you don't believe me). Eh I don't blame him. Him, of all people, definitely should be allowed to relax once in a while. He is the holy one, Mr. Michael Phelps, who can totally own you and everyone else in swimming and I think he does deserve a ton of respect for that.

6am swim practice tomorrow, then 3pm swim practice again. Everything hurts (my stupid trapezius and shoulders!), and they are just gonna keep on hurting. Time trials on the 13th, first (away) meet on the 25th.

I bought 3 boxes of cereal today. My teenage hormones aren't resting, they just keep on screaming at me to EAT, EAT, EAT! I have a new love for bananas.

I want to be considered. I think I can do a great job at it. I just need to somehow prove myself.

*Today is my grandpa's 76th birthday! (=

Revival

Swim season has officially started with our first practice today. Wasn't so bad, pretty much normal for MHS standards but harder than what we have been doing with Alex these past few months (Still easier than Brad's workouts though). Some people were dying, so I gave myself a silent moment to thank MTW for keeping me in shape. The competition pool was nasty!!! It had gross bits of crap floating around and the water was even a milky/cloudy color. Nonetheless, I had to get a very painful (but necessary) massage from my mommy because my trapezius/neck/shoulders are killing me. My left shoulder is too for some odd reason. No pain, no gain right? Fuuuck that, hah. On the bright side, there isn't any competition for varsity girls MVP yet, me and Wendy still remain at the top :D What would I do without Wendy<3

MICHELLEYYY OHHx: cause i miss my swim team :[
As I think about our Varsity relay team, I realize how incomplete it is without Michelle Tu. We need her, badly! I miss her so much... especially not seeing her at school or being my bus buddy along with Michael. She is visiting on Friday but it's not the same if we don't swim together. No one can replace her, shoot.

There was a blackout a few minutes ago. Half of Milpitas was pitch-dark and the other half had beautiful lights illuminating it. I still believe all these blackouts are Obama's new energy plan (;

Oh, and I think all of this nonsense business is fucking stupid. And just like that, I am beginning to look down on you.

Much Ado About Nothing

is what you are making it. Take a chill pill and move on (I wouldn't be too surprised if you overdosed).

The new library is beautiful and the new yogurt shop on Calaveras is yummy. Borrowed books on British monarchy, Freud, Jung's Map of the Soul, Chinese ethnicities, and the Middle East (as well as books on allotropes and Buckminsterfullerene for my stupid chem project). Also, I discovered Lemony Snicket's real name is Daniel Handler. Read about a chapter of each book last night; I always do that and end up getting really confused where I read something.

Chinese New Year celebrations at Chinese school today. I got 3rd place in my class (and a trophy, yay!) for this reading comprehension competition. My mom danced (and had her watch magically removed from her wrist by this magician, which left her pretty pissed and everyone else really amazed), my brother did kungfu and sang with his class, and my dad wore this outrageously bright red outfit and sang with my brother's class. It was an interesting morning to say the least.

Here is the unscrewed-up version of our dance:



*Private blog today