Happy 60th birthday to the People's Republic of China. Amidst all the controversy and negativity, it was nonetheless a beautiful, impressive, and fitting celebration.
It surprised me that my dad could sing all the nationalist songs that were played at the three-hour celebration, most of which were variations of loving one's motherland. Sadly, I only recognized one.
Oh the U.S. made the Empire State Building shine red and yellow in honor of China, how cool :)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sensations
In Anatomy today, we watched a video on our skin, our brain, our sense of touch, and our nervous system and it's crazy how these all connect. Did you know that when you suffer a major injury, your brain shuts down your sensation to feel pain? You brain can actually halt these signals if your body knows that these signals can interfere with your survival. This one lady lost in the wild did not feel the pain of a splintered knee until the rescue crew found her. This one dentist gave a root canal to a guy without anesthetics, using mind tricks. If you can somehow harness that energy in the right place, you can shut out pain for a while.
I tried to do it for my hunger pain today, and it worked for a few minutes! I swear I actually stopped feeling my stomach constantly nagging me just by thinking intensely about it. And maybe if I try hard enough, I can do the same with my math grade... make my brain numb so I longer feel the stinging pain of it lol.
I am starting to despise math even more, especially since I cannot handle failure. My grade is steadily decreasing and that is really worrying me. From now on, my junior year will be devoted to passing Calc AB with an A. If that means I'm staying everyday afterschool, going early in the mornings, and going to the Saturday study sessions, then so be it. I don't think I've ever had a math class this challenging, but I think that's exactly what I need.
Lots of homecoming talk already, but isn't it in like.. a WHOLE MONTH? Silly high school kids :)
I tried to do it for my hunger pain today, and it worked for a few minutes! I swear I actually stopped feeling my stomach constantly nagging me just by thinking intensely about it. And maybe if I try hard enough, I can do the same with my math grade... make my brain numb so I longer feel the stinging pain of it lol.
I am starting to despise math even more, especially since I cannot handle failure. My grade is steadily decreasing and that is really worrying me. From now on, my junior year will be devoted to passing Calc AB with an A. If that means I'm staying everyday afterschool, going early in the mornings, and going to the Saturday study sessions, then so be it. I don't think I've ever had a math class this challenging, but I think that's exactly what I need.
Lots of homecoming talk already, but isn't it in like.. a WHOLE MONTH? Silly high school kids :)
Friday, September 25, 2009
Fate
This is enlightening: http://abc.go.com/watch/clip/flashforward/SH011579400000/207941/235000
I think I believe in fate. I do think that everything happens for a reason, that your life has a general direction planned out before your soul enters your body. It's hard for me to believe that our choices tell us where we go, that's too simple an explanation for the complicated lives that we lead. I can understand our day-to-day choices do have some kind of effect on us, but I believe that something as broad and important as the fate of our lives is something we cannot fully determine or plan out, like we would plan out something as trivial as an outfit or what we're having for dinner.
I don't want to believe in fate. I find it horrifying to believe that there is some kind of spiritual justification for innocent people suffering and criminals living. Why would the gods of fate allow some people to have a better hand than others? One can argue that this balance between good and evil is here to teach us a lesson, but who exactly? "Us" is a vague term, there are some of "us" that are blessed with relatively uncomplicated lives and others of "us" that are living nightmare after nightmare. And who's teaching who? It makes me wonder whether or not those suffering people believe in fate. If someone was going through hell, would they still believe that "everything happens for a reason"? Why do they have to suffer?
I feel like I'm going in circles, and therefore I have officially confused myself. This is interesting to think about though. I feel that I am blessed with everything I could need out of my young life thus far and I'm scared, nervous, and the slightest bit excited to know what fate (or whatever it is, if it's not fate) has in store for me.
Flash Forward is a good TV show so far, it really got me thinking about all of this. All this philosophical stuff is great but too draining for my exhausted mind. And it kinda sorta scared the shit out of me.. it was so intense and suspenseful. And Fiennes! Ralph and Joseph Fiennes! (Well actually, it's just Joseph here but both of them are amazing.)
I think I believe in fate. I do think that everything happens for a reason, that your life has a general direction planned out before your soul enters your body. It's hard for me to believe that our choices tell us where we go, that's too simple an explanation for the complicated lives that we lead. I can understand our day-to-day choices do have some kind of effect on us, but I believe that something as broad and important as the fate of our lives is something we cannot fully determine or plan out, like we would plan out something as trivial as an outfit or what we're having for dinner.
I don't want to believe in fate. I find it horrifying to believe that there is some kind of spiritual justification for innocent people suffering and criminals living. Why would the gods of fate allow some people to have a better hand than others? One can argue that this balance between good and evil is here to teach us a lesson, but who exactly? "Us" is a vague term, there are some of "us" that are blessed with relatively uncomplicated lives and others of "us" that are living nightmare after nightmare. And who's teaching who? It makes me wonder whether or not those suffering people believe in fate. If someone was going through hell, would they still believe that "everything happens for a reason"? Why do they have to suffer?
I feel like I'm going in circles, and therefore I have officially confused myself. This is interesting to think about though. I feel that I am blessed with everything I could need out of my young life thus far and I'm scared, nervous, and the slightest bit excited to know what fate (or whatever it is, if it's not fate) has in store for me.
Flash Forward is a good TV show so far, it really got me thinking about all of this. All this philosophical stuff is great but too draining for my exhausted mind. And it kinda sorta scared the shit out of me.. it was so intense and suspenseful. And Fiennes! Ralph and Joseph Fiennes! (Well actually, it's just Joseph here but both of them are amazing.)
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Piling up
Today was such a bad day on so many levels. Everything seems so trivial. What's the point of hoping for better days? Nothing changes. Either things stay the same, or they get worse.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Making sense
I don't know. Am I supposed to? Things have changed, I feel it. I don't know if I like this situation or not, because now I don't know what to do. I think I should just ride it out until I figure things out. When in doubt, maintain the status quo. Things will fall into place, right? Change is too complicated. I don't even know what I'm talking about either. I have too many thoughts bouncing around in my head.
What I do know is that I need a back massage and a real night's sleep. One night, I got eight hours of sleep and I was still tired cause that's more than my usual five-six hours per night. Not swimming for two weeks is also more than I can handle. I need the chlorine to wash out some of this stress.
More often than not, there's a difference between what you want and what you need. Oh my gosh, this reminds me of math. In a way, I guess it can relate to limits. If the limit of f(x) as x approaches a from the left is not equal to the limit of f(x) as x approaches a from the right, then f(x) is not a continuous function. In that case, there can be either one or no functions where the limit of f(x) as x approaches a from both sides is equal to f(a), and even though only one condition is satisfied, f(x) is unfortunately still not a continuous function. But occasionally, the limit of f(x) as x approaches a from the left is equal to the limit of f(x) as x approaches a from the right, as well as equal to f(a), and only NOW do you have a continuous function. And now you're happy and you're living the good life.
That personal and mathematical connection made total sense in my head for some odd reason. But wow, I really need a break from everything.
What I do know is that I need a back massage and a real night's sleep. One night, I got eight hours of sleep and I was still tired cause that's more than my usual five-six hours per night. Not swimming for two weeks is also more than I can handle. I need the chlorine to wash out some of this stress.
More often than not, there's a difference between what you want and what you need. Oh my gosh, this reminds me of math. In a way, I guess it can relate to limits. If the limit of f(x) as x approaches a from the left is not equal to the limit of f(x) as x approaches a from the right, then f(x) is not a continuous function. In that case, there can be either one or no functions where the limit of f(x) as x approaches a from both sides is equal to f(a), and even though only one condition is satisfied, f(x) is unfortunately still not a continuous function. But occasionally, the limit of f(x) as x approaches a from the left is equal to the limit of f(x) as x approaches a from the right, as well as equal to f(a), and only NOW do you have a continuous function. And now you're happy and you're living the good life.
That personal and mathematical connection made total sense in my head for some odd reason. But wow, I really need a break from everything.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Where to go from here
I'm hella in the mood for Rockband. Some The Killers songs, Jet songs, and some Pat Benatar... oh yesssss, that would equal a great afternoon. Instead, I'm gonna try to finish my lap report, get ready for Tim's birthday party, meet up with Tram!, and maybe get some Valley Fair shopping in. That would suffice :)
1. You're just plain mean, Donkey Kong. Stop being so insulting, then being so nice, then go right back to insulting. Get some sleep!
2. I think it's better this way, thanks for understanding.
3. I know we talked about a hangout this summer and I've been feeling really guilty about it. I miss having you as one of my best friends.
4. You're different, you used to care about school and now you care more about something else. But because I care more and you care less, I feel like it's driving a wedge between us.
5. We're getting closer this year because of a common interest :) I think this is the closest we've ever been, after all these years.
6. Sometimes, you can be too much but you're good company. You're always helpful. I can't help but feel sympathy towards you, your life seems like it's quite difficult.
7. Your mom makes the best food and you always share<3
8. TRAM NGUYEN, I FREAKIN' MISS HAVING A CLASS WITH YOU. And for a smaller girl, you can be quite violent!
1. You're just plain mean, Donkey Kong. Stop being so insulting, then being so nice, then go right back to insulting. Get some sleep!
2. I think it's better this way, thanks for understanding.
3. I know we talked about a hangout this summer and I've been feeling really guilty about it. I miss having you as one of my best friends.
4. You're different, you used to care about school and now you care more about something else. But because I care more and you care less, I feel like it's driving a wedge between us.
5. We're getting closer this year because of a common interest :) I think this is the closest we've ever been, after all these years.
6. Sometimes, you can be too much but you're good company. You're always helpful. I can't help but feel sympathy towards you, your life seems like it's quite difficult.
7. Your mom makes the best food and you always share<3
8. TRAM NGUYEN, I FREAKIN' MISS HAVING A CLASS WITH YOU. And for a smaller girl, you can be quite violent!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
All over the place
It's getting harder to keep up with everything... too much is happening now. Homework load is at its all-time high, and that's pretty much on a daily basis. But I guess that's good. I feel like I'm actually learning math this year cause my AP Calc teacher, Ms. Nguyen, is a demanding yet awesome teacher. My other teachers quite likeable too: with Madame Topping, I'm actually starting to enjoy French; it's impossible to fall asleep in Ms. Conradson's class cause she is so lively; Mr. Henschtke is quite laid-back and the concepts he teaches in Anatomy are pretty interesting; Ms. Meyer's class is a lot of notes and homework problems but Ms. Meyer is still Ms. Meyer lol; and I'm kinda looking forward to actually covering and writing events in Journalism. Some classes are a draaaag and feel like they're never ending, but I have some pretty great people in my classes.
I miss swimming a lot. I feel like I'm getting fat and my eating patterns are slightly off. It's gonna be quite difficult to juggle swimming and school once MTW starts in October, but I think I can manage. I can handle 5 hours of sleep each night... as long as I get myself used to it.
Chinese school might not be insanely boring this year. My teacher, Kong lao shi, loves our input and actually listen to what we have to say. Plus, it's a small class so everyone kinda knows each other already. And we're doing stuff that we actually feel like we need to learn. It's appearing to be a really personalized class and I love that. I really need to focus on Chinese this year cause I need to decide whether I want to take AP Chinese or SAT II Chinese.
I feel stupid talking with retainers. But there is no way in hell I am getting my braces back on again. On the bright side, my retainers are a beautiful shade of blue that I very much like!
OH HEEEEY, I'M LICENSED! But no car yet, boooo. My cousin is going back to China in October though, and I think I might get his kinda boring but driveable Toyota Camry, the car that I grew up in lol. OH, AND FOR THE RECORD, I will NOT offer rides. People are already starting to ask me for rides and my answer is NO, unless you have a legitimate reason or it's some kind of an emergency. Otherwise, get your own license, buy your own car, and break the law yourself.
I blush too easily. It's increasingly becoming a much-hated problem.
I miss swimming a lot. I feel like I'm getting fat and my eating patterns are slightly off. It's gonna be quite difficult to juggle swimming and school once MTW starts in October, but I think I can manage. I can handle 5 hours of sleep each night... as long as I get myself used to it.
Chinese school might not be insanely boring this year. My teacher, Kong lao shi, loves our input and actually listen to what we have to say. Plus, it's a small class so everyone kinda knows each other already. And we're doing stuff that we actually feel like we need to learn. It's appearing to be a really personalized class and I love that. I really need to focus on Chinese this year cause I need to decide whether I want to take AP Chinese or SAT II Chinese.
I feel stupid talking with retainers. But there is no way in hell I am getting my braces back on again. On the bright side, my retainers are a beautiful shade of blue that I very much like!
OH HEEEEY, I'M LICENSED! But no car yet, boooo. My cousin is going back to China in October though, and I think I might get his kinda boring but driveable Toyota Camry, the car that I grew up in lol. OH, AND FOR THE RECORD, I will NOT offer rides. People are already starting to ask me for rides and my answer is NO, unless you have a legitimate reason or it's some kind of an emergency. Otherwise, get your own license, buy your own car, and break the law yourself.
I blush too easily. It's increasingly becoming a much-hated problem.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Drifting
I think my taste in music has changed. Not a complete 180, but just a little bit. I don't really know how to explain it either... I'm venturing towards more of the extremes: either mellow and acoustic or super upbeat and techno-like. Anything in-between just bores me completely. And I do wish I had more time to really listen to music. I'm still recovering from losing all of my 1,000 songs when my laptop gave up on me... that was a tough blow ):
The 1st official ELC meeting was September 11, 2009. I think I can really look forward to Potluck Fridays :)
"This double life isn't healthy for me at all."
http://www.formspring.com/forms/?702555-YGcZ8FjHgm
The 1st official ELC meeting was September 11, 2009. I think I can really look forward to Potluck Fridays :)
"This double life isn't healthy for me at all."
http://www.formspring.com/forms/?702555-YGcZ8FjHgm
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Vocabanana
So I'm gonna use my vocab words in a paragraph cause I have a quiz tomorrow! It won't make much sense but it will be good practice right?
In an isolated land far far away, there was once a leader who ruled over the entire Southeastern empire of ... Narnia (haha can't think of any other lands). He was known around the land as being quite an egregious leader. He once tried to galvanize his often-lethargic countrymen into working for the government without receiving any benefits whatsoever. Another time, the ruler threatened to throw his countrymen into a dangerous labyrinth and the survivor at the end would be elected to his Narnian cabinet. How absurd! When confronted about such atrocities, the leader only gave a maudlin reply by going off on a tangent about how he loved and appreciated his countrymen, a terrible lie! The countrymen were at their wits' end, they could no longer deal with their not-so-gregarious ruler. Their previous tactics were unsuccessful so they concluded their last resort was to fully ostracize him to the outskirts of Narnia. They came up with a plan to lock the ruler in his castle for 3.141592 days so he would starve, then tantalize the ruler to come out using food, lots of food, because everyone likes food! The plan worked: after the time period of 3.141592 days, the leader was released into the wild, mutating into a carnivorous beast on a hunt for prey. With only a laconic "bye," the ruler raced into the southern forests, away from the Narnian splendor. He never returned. The city gates were locked forever and from then on, Machiavellian rulers no longer roamed the cobblestones of Narnia. The end!
When you get your braces off, eat a banana. It's the oddest feeling ever. I started nonstop giggling when I ate it during 4th and people thought I went insane. But other than that.. I LOVE having my train tracks gone forever! (who knows, but i'll try not to jinx it..) My teeth feel so weird in my mouth.
I hate how I take things for granted. I overlook, I don't appreciate, I lessen its importance. I'm a lucky person, we all are. I just have to constantly remind myself of that. I am thankful.
In an isolated land far far away, there was once a leader who ruled over the entire Southeastern empire of ... Narnia (haha can't think of any other lands). He was known around the land as being quite an egregious leader. He once tried to galvanize his often-lethargic countrymen into working for the government without receiving any benefits whatsoever. Another time, the ruler threatened to throw his countrymen into a dangerous labyrinth and the survivor at the end would be elected to his Narnian cabinet. How absurd! When confronted about such atrocities, the leader only gave a maudlin reply by going off on a tangent about how he loved and appreciated his countrymen, a terrible lie! The countrymen were at their wits' end, they could no longer deal with their not-so-gregarious ruler. Their previous tactics were unsuccessful so they concluded their last resort was to fully ostracize him to the outskirts of Narnia. They came up with a plan to lock the ruler in his castle for 3.141592 days so he would starve, then tantalize the ruler to come out using food, lots of food, because everyone likes food! The plan worked: after the time period of 3.141592 days, the leader was released into the wild, mutating into a carnivorous beast on a hunt for prey. With only a laconic "bye," the ruler raced into the southern forests, away from the Narnian splendor. He never returned. The city gates were locked forever and from then on, Machiavellian rulers no longer roamed the cobblestones of Narnia. The end!
When you get your braces off, eat a banana. It's the oddest feeling ever. I started nonstop giggling when I ate it during 4th and people thought I went insane. But other than that.. I LOVE having my train tracks gone forever! (who knows, but i'll try not to jinx it..) My teeth feel so weird in my mouth.
I hate how I take things for granted. I overlook, I don't appreciate, I lessen its importance. I'm a lucky person, we all are. I just have to constantly remind myself of that. I am thankful.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
FINALLY BRACELESS
I can't believe they are FINALLY off! After what.. 5 years!? IT'S ABOUT TIME! I feel so giddy and light without them :) And slimy! But that will fade. HOORAY!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
What swimming and school do to you
The annual and long-awaited Monterey meet was this weekend. I am pooped. I don't think I have been this sore yet in the past.. year. If I sit for 5 minutes, I feel like someone is continually punching my back. And walking is pretty excruciating, I feel like I just ran miles and miles. Even just sitting down feels like someone has been sitting on my lap for quite a long time. Everything hurts, more than usual. So my mom put on 4 of those Asian patches that HURT LIKE HELL when you try to peel them off. It kinda helped. Advil did too. And sleep, yum.
In general, I guess I'm pretty satisfied with my results, although I always have those nagging regrets. I received the 1st place High Point Champion trophy for the girls 15-18 age group.. that made everything worthwhile :D And MTW got the 1st place team trophy for the highest scoring team. But there was an air of sadness cause it was Alex's last meet with us; he will be dearly missed. I hope he liked our card and acoustic rendition of "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. And I know I could have gotten better times and I know what I need to work on now: faster recovery in free, faster kick in fly and back, IM turns, stop saving my energy for the last lap!!! I absolutely hate the feeling of being out-touched by a few tenths or hundredths of a second. If I lose, I would rest easier knowing I lost by an entire body length than by the length of a fingernail.
I wish I could have camped out with the team.. but my mom doesn't like the Monterey fog and the cold breeze that results from it. I'm glad we didn't though, a hotel is like heaven. My major back and leg pain would not have been very pleasant at all if I slept on the hard dirt floor. But I did visit the campsite around sunset and enjoy the potluck, making the s'mores, climbing the trees, ignoring the "no trespassing sign", touching electric fences, playing mafia, hunting for bambi, stepping on the poison ivy, nonstop laughing with Vincent, and feeding Victor, LOL. I love my team :)
I am not at all pleased with school. My grades so far are putting me in a super bad mood and a few people said that it shows. I feel like I'm settling. I can do better, I know it. School is one of my top priorities and I feel like I'm losing this competition. I CANNOT lose.
1. I know you don't, but try to understand. We have entirely different priorities. I act like it's nothing, but it's more than that to me.
2. I think it's the end, but I do hope it's the beginning.
3. Thanks for not even bothering to try.
4. It bothers me when you act like nothing has happened.
In general, I guess I'm pretty satisfied with my results, although I always have those nagging regrets. I received the 1st place High Point Champion trophy for the girls 15-18 age group.. that made everything worthwhile :D And MTW got the 1st place team trophy for the highest scoring team. But there was an air of sadness cause it was Alex's last meet with us; he will be dearly missed. I hope he liked our card and acoustic rendition of "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. And I know I could have gotten better times and I know what I need to work on now: faster recovery in free, faster kick in fly and back, IM turns, stop saving my energy for the last lap!!! I absolutely hate the feeling of being out-touched by a few tenths or hundredths of a second. If I lose, I would rest easier knowing I lost by an entire body length than by the length of a fingernail.
I wish I could have camped out with the team.. but my mom doesn't like the Monterey fog and the cold breeze that results from it. I'm glad we didn't though, a hotel is like heaven. My major back and leg pain would not have been very pleasant at all if I slept on the hard dirt floor. But I did visit the campsite around sunset and enjoy the potluck, making the s'mores, climbing the trees, ignoring the "no trespassing sign", touching electric fences, playing mafia, hunting for bambi, stepping on the poison ivy, nonstop laughing with Vincent, and feeding Victor, LOL. I love my team :)
I am not at all pleased with school. My grades so far are putting me in a super bad mood and a few people said that it shows. I feel like I'm settling. I can do better, I know it. School is one of my top priorities and I feel like I'm losing this competition. I CANNOT lose.
1. I know you don't, but try to understand. We have entirely different priorities. I act like it's nothing, but it's more than that to me.
2. I think it's the end, but I do hope it's the beginning.
3. Thanks for not even bothering to try.
4. It bothers me when you act like nothing has happened.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Consistency
I'm starting to fall into a routine with school, swimming, etc. I like routine, it's simple and things don't often go wrong or get screwed up. Without obstacles, I get things accomplished the way I want them to be. I guess I could be better, but I'm satisfied. Despite the fact that I am sleeping later than usual (which is no surprise considering my stupid homework), my mood has been quite positive. Like Mr. Hentschke would say, our bodies love and need stability. I feel stable, therefore I feel happy.
Oh yeah, I am torn. I hate being so undecisive. What to do? Maybe I should just be like that Harvey guy from Dark Knight and just flip a coin. Sorry, but I want both.
Oh yeah, I am torn. I hate being so undecisive. What to do? Maybe I should just be like that Harvey guy from Dark Knight and just flip a coin. Sorry, but I want both.
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