Feeling like a lost cause

There are many reasons why I "stopped swimming" not "quit". First of all, all you young people are too damn fast. You, Wendy, Vincent, Tung, Gideon, Kelvin. I can't compete with that. Secondly, everyone complains about Pagan being a bad coach, so I'm doing something about it. Thirdly, I've reached my limit and next year there isn't going to be any swimming. (Donald)

What the hell is happening? Everything is going wrong. This is not how I imagined high school swimming at all. It was supposed to be a time of extreme team bonding, cheering on your relay team, eating out after meets, and suffering through endless practices together but it seems that will only happen my freshmen year. I love swimming but I might lose it cause of budget cuts. I love swimming but our coach is not someone I can really respect. I love swimming with the greatest people I know but some of them have "stopped swimming". Michelle Tu has moved, Donald, Alan, and Peter (all in varsity too!) have quit. At least we have two "super freshmen" this year (Vincent, Amy), the tradition continues from last year I guess (Gideon, Zack, Tung, me). We honestly can't afford to lose that many people, especially people part of our best relay team. We all had a spot to fill, we all had a family. If we had tried hard enough, we could have continued together just for the sake of each other. It depresses me that JV can barely swim and I have to teach them the simplest things, like how to swim fly or what an interval is. It depresses me that varsity is getting smaller and smaller. It depresses me that there is stupid tension and behind-the-back drama just for the spot of team captain. Our team needs a revival, but we don't have a single solution.

I have made my decision, and this time I am gonna be firm about it. It's what's best. I HAVE tried, time and time again.