Another beginning

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”
— Neil Gaiman

I was considering blogging about my New Year's Resolutions or possibly starting a blog where I comment on one amazing thing that happened each day to cultivate a bit of optimism within me, but I didn't like how boring those sounded. Instead, I decided that this quote sums up my attitude about this year perfectly, so I will leave it at that. And I wish to same to all of you as well. Go out and live a little! I'm certainly trying ;)

A tidbit

Today, I found out that my great-grandfather (my dad's mother's father) was a General in the Chinese Nationalist Party and fought against the Communists. After that, he became Minister of Finance and then Governor of Szechuan province. He played both sides until he was jailed and executed by the Communists. His house (that my grandmother and her 13 brothers and sisters lived in) is now the official Szechuan library. So while my grandmother came from a fabulously wealthy family, my grandfather was dirt poor... kinda like Noah and Ali in The Notebook, which I saw last night with the girls ;)

And also today, my mom was trying to say that something was in the spur-of-the-moment, and instead she said "it's a sperm moment thing," which reminds me of how my brother said "Bacon Dexlu" when trying to order a Bacon Deluxe and how my dad said "Rockeweiler" and "Rotfeller" when trying to give me a lesson on John D. Rockefeller's Standard Oil and the fierceness of Rottweiler dogs.

My brother is eight years old

Brother: Mom, when I grow up, I'm going to marry you!
Mom: I'm already married!
Brother: To who!?
Mom: Daddy.
Brother: What? I thought you two were brothers and sisters!

Replaying

I have too much to say about the past few weeks that I... don't even know what to say. All I think about nowadays is college. My daily pattern is this:
- I wonder if I'll get into college
- I'm hungry.
- What if I don't?
- I'm thirsty.
- Which college?
- I'm sleepy.
- What if they don't like me?
- I wonder what he/she (some random person) is thinking right now.
- I need to get into college.

It's the "What if"'s in life that will slowly cause you to decay away, but they always invade my mind. I miss everything about junior year: how people were simple and not all complicated and trashy, my positive attitude towards school, my not-too-challenging but not easy classes, and most importantly, the class of 2010. I feel like I've lost so many friends in June, friends who went off to New York, San Francisco, Davis... they all just disappeared. I'm trying not to think about it too much. What if certain things had happened? Well, nothing really happened, so it's pointless to dwell. Would anything change? Probably not. After all, everything happens for a reason right? This has slowly become my motto.

Tweaking

My English teacher said that we go through a difficult time if we see things as burdens as opposed to challenges. It was relevant to his lesson on the connotation of words. Challenges are mostly seen as positive while burdens are negative. I felt like he was talking about me. I need to stop being Negative Nancy. It's not a good thing when everything becomes a burden: waking up, school, tests, clubs, journalism, playing with my brother, homework... even swimming!

I feel a cold coming on. I don't think it's natural to be sick twice in the past two months, especially around the hottest months of the year. I think the absence of swimming, exponential increase in stress, lack of vitamins (because I'm always thinking of something else and forget to take them), and unusual eating habits due to the absence of swimming are the reasons for this sickness. Oh and a few minutes ago, my mom said I'm breaking out again. Great.

On the bright side (because there always is one), I do hope I win Homecoming Queen :)

Endings

Two days ago, I watched the San Bruno fire on TV from moments after it happened. I was initially pretty annoyed when "Breaking News" interrupted my Friends episode, but this was serious. I stared at the fire for two hours, just watching the devastation.

Yesterday, thoughts and images of the Columbine shooting consumed my mind after the Rachel's Challenge program came to our school. I know it's supposed to be positive and uplifting, but I find it difficult to create that kind of strength when we are faced with so much death and despair. Life is just not fair for so many people.

Today is the ninth anniversary of September 11, 2001. I have seen countless photo albums of the terrorist attacks and watched and rewatched a video of the actual event, from the immediate aftermath of the plane crash all the way to the collapse of both towers followed by screams and crying all over the streets of New York. It was heartbreaking. For some reason, I let myself look up the biographies of the hijackers and read the timeline of events for that morning.

These three days have just been too much to handle. I just need to get into a different mindset, but it's hard.

Dawn

My grandparents left for China yesterday. I've been living with them my entire life, so it's very odd to not see them everyday. As is customary for most Chinese families, my grandparents are the ones who raised me since I was a baby while my parents were busy at work. I didn't think I would be this sad when they left, even if they are planning on coming back on September 19. My grandpa is 77 and my grandma is 76. It's hard to push away the nagging feeling that only one, or none, of them are coming back.

I believe I will be on another swimming hiatus until February, when MHS swim season starts. This week might just possibly be my last week at MTW, where I've spent the last nine years of my afternoons. Not swimming until February is going to make me so fucking miserable. It also really bothers me that my brother wants to quit swimming because he complains of a headache everyday. My dad is coming home from China today, so maybe my brother might relearn how to man up about things.

Bone chilling

Reading murder mysteries and suspense books always scares the crap out of me. With shows on TV like 48 Hours Mystery or the scary 20/20 episodes, it still freaks me out, but not as much as books. Books let you get inside the serial killer or psychopath's head and see what they're really thinking and how truly sadistic they are, and it makes me so paranoid. When I was at the climax of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, I was ready to just give up on everything cause I felt so drained and joyless towards life. I was much better after the story ended, although it wasn't that much of a happy ending. The suspense/horror genre in general is something I should stay away from, but I really can't help myself. I couldn't put down the book so I finished all 600 pages within the 24 hours that I bought it, and I plan on finishing the trilogy. I thought it might be a complete 180 to read after finishing Sense and Sensibility (which I adore). Oh and after reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, I read The Little Prince to balance it out a little more (such a classic, I love it).

I can't believe all the seniors are leaving. It wasn't so depressing to think about at the end of the school year when I still had a whole summer with a lot of them, but now that mostly everyone is off to their respective universities, it makes me quite sentimental. I'll miss the ones that I've gotten really close to through the years. I'm also jealous that they're already in college and I'm still stuck in high school, but that's a different story.

I have no idea what I'm going to write my college essays about. My biggest worry is that I'll be generic, or not give admission officers a full impression of myself. I honestly don't mind when school starts again; I love going to school because I get to see my friends everyday and I do enjoy being in class. The beginning of school, however, means college apps, which I passionately dread. I was giving advice about high school to this incoming freshman the other day, and in retrospect, everything seemed so simple back then.

Where to go from here

My parents have been giving me a lot of crap lately about colleges and stuff, which is not a big surprise seeing as that I'm a rising senior, but my parents are sneaky and clever. They know exactly what to say to attack me. And honestly, each time they mention it, there's a little insult somewhere in what they're saying, whether it be a snarky comment or a drawn-out lecture. It's the kind of insult that nags me and slowly eats away at me until I feel like a hopeless failure. I don't know how they do it, but they're good at it. Lately, I've been feeling pretty down in the dumps. I wouldn't say depressed because it's simply not that serious, but I've had my moments of desperation/anger. Oh but that's not enough! No more hangouts for the rest of summer, meaning my weekends are just me condemned to my house pretending to do something productive. All I have each day is an hour after swimming practice where I say that I'm getting lunch, when I'm actually spending an hour with a friend. It's all I have.

I know this is absolutely silly, but those two hours just made my entire summer. It's definitely my teenage heart talking here, but I'll be satisfied with my life for a while, thanks to you. It's funny how the tiniest gestures can mean so much.

Inception

I'll try to avoid hopping on the Inception bandwagon of talking about how amazing the special effects are or how hot Leo or JoGoLev was, by saying that no film has ever made me think so deeply about the world around me and life in general. Instead of discussing the meaning of life as I see it, which would inevitably take hours of thinking and typing, I'll just say that the movie enforces some of my original beliefs, as well as offer new perspectives. I'm sure that planting new ideas is what cinematic genius Christopher Nolan desired in his audience, as ideas are "the most resilient parasite" and what the movie revolves around (The word inception means beginning or commencement). It's difficult to really explain all the mumble jumble of thoughts that I have floating around my head, as they hardly even make sense to me, but my mind has nonstop been at work since 3:15pm yesterday. That movie really does give you a lot to think about. Nothing I say will do it true justice, so I highly recommend watching it.

Of course, there are other interpretations online that also gave me insight; one of which I found quite interesting here.

Faith

When I was a child, I was baptized as a Christian and spent my first three years of school (preschool to second grade) at Marquette Manor Baptist Church and Academy in Downers Grove, Illinois. It wasn't just some random church we dropped into either; people in our community took church very seriously, dressing up in their Sunday best complete with modest dresses and tuxedos. My mom used to say that one of the many reasons she loved church was that she could dress me up in the frilliest dress there was, as if I was her little doll. Since our family moved to California, however, we got caught up in all the opportunities and excitement that we didn't really have the chance to go, which is something I have been regretting for a long time.

So recently my mom brought the topic of church up and I wholeheartedly agreed that we should return to that habit. We don't even know which church to start at but my mom seems keen on visiting the Cathedral Basilica of Saint Joseph in downtown San Jose. It's a beautiful and elegant church and they supposedly have great services as well. It's Catholic, but we're open-minded, seeing as that we haven't participated in a church activity in 10 years now. We'll be attending the Saturday mass at 4:30pm, and if you're interested in joining us, let me know :)

I honestly think that regularly attending church (which, for me back then, was everyday) was a huge factor in shaping who I am today; it taught me manners, faith, hope, love, and perseverance. My mom says that I don't have that many rebellious impulses because I grew up in a stable environment. But nowadays, I feel like I really need something to believe in at this point in my life and I'm ashamed when I can't recall simple Bible stories that are so common knowledge. I am definitely looking forward to returning to my faith.

I wish my brother was given the chance that I was given at such a young age. He is a wonderful human being but I feel like he could somehow be a better person with that kind of influence. I wouldn't say this about every child because, after all, who am I to be an all-knowing parent, but I think that attending church regularly is one of the single most important things a child can participate in. One day, I hope my children will be lucky enough to have that opportunity.

Choosing your battles

"People are raising,
their expectations.
Go on and feed them,
This is your moment,
No hesitations."
-- "Waka Waka" by Shakira

That song is so uplifting. The lyrics are inspirational and the beat makes me want to dance! I'm still lovin' you, Shakira.

Oh and Thomas Müller, I'll be seeing you in Brazil 2014 (I'll be 21 years old, AHHH!). By then, I'll have my Germany #13 jersey and Vuvuzela ready for you. Make me proud honey ;) You and the rest of Die Mannschaft are AMAZING. You guys broke my heart and then mended it again. Thank you for a great World Cup 2010<3

I must admit, it's rather lonely without the constant comforting ding of IMs on AIM, but it's a nice change. Its absence is allowing me to clear my head a little and use my time more productively. But when I let my mind wander, bad things happen. I think about my whole life and tend to focus on the disappointments and regrets, which ends up making me slightly melancholy and listless. I feel the need to head to a major theme park, with GIANT rollercoasters, sometime soon.

Reading Jane Austen books make me wish I lived in that glorious time period. HEY GUYS, CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD. The boys I know could learn a thing or two from the men of her time. And the way that the men and women talked is so dignified and classy; our generation is terrible in comparison.

Some things ALL guys should know

A Letter To Men, by Christina Hendricks

We love your body. If we’re in love with you, we love your body. Your potbelly, everything. Even if you’re insecure about something, we love your body. You feel like you’re not this or that? We love your body. We embrace everything. Because it’s you.

Speaking of your body, you don’t understand the power of your own smell. Any woman who is currently with a man is with him partly because she loves the way he smells. And if we haven’t smelled you for a day or two and then we suddenly are within inches of you, we swoon. We get light-headed. It’s intoxicating. It’s heady.

We remember forever what you say about the bodies of other women. When you mention in passing that a certain woman is attractive — could be someone in the office, a woman on the street, a celebrity, any woman in the world, really — your comment goes into a steel box and it stays there forever. We will file the comment under “Women He Finds Attractive.” It’s not about whether or not we approve of the comment. It’s about learning what you think is sexy and how we might be able to convey it. It’s about keeping our man by knowing what he likes.

We also remember everything you say about our bodies, be it good or bad. Doesn’t matter if it’s a compliment. Could be just a comment. Those things you say are stored away in the steel box, and we remember these things verbatim. We remember what you were wearing and the street corner you were standing on when you said it.

Never complain about our friends — even if we do. No matter how many times we say a friend of ours is driving us crazy, you are not to pile on. Not because it offends us. But because it adds to the weight that we carry around about her.

Remember what we like. When I first started dating my husband, I had this weird fascination with the circus and clowns and old carnival things and sideshow freaks and all that. About a month after we started dating, he bought me this amazing black-and-white photo book on the circus in the 1930s, and I started sobbing. Which freaked him out. I thought, Oh, my God, I mentioned this three or four weeks ago and talked about it briefly, but he was really listening to me. And he actually went out and researched and found this thing for me. It was amazing.

We want you to order Scotch. It’s the most impressive drink order. It’s classic. It’s sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It’s not watered down with fruit juice. It’s Scotch. And you ordered it.

Stand up, open a door, offer a jacket. We talk about it with our friends after you do it. We say, “Can you believe he stood up when I approached the table?” It makes us feel important. And it makes you important because we talk about it.

No shorts that go below the knee. The ones almost like capri pants, the ones that hover somewhere between the kneecap and the calf? Enough with those shorts. They are the most embarrassing pants in the world. They should never be worn. No woman likes those.

Also, no tank tops. In public at least. A tank top is underwear. You’re walking around in your underwear. Too much.

No man should be on Facebook. It’s an invasion of everyone’s privacy. I really cannot stand it.

You don’t know this, but when we come back from a date, we feel awkward about that transition from our cute outfit into sexy lingerie. We don’t know how to do this gracefully. It’s embarrassing. We have to find a way to slip into another room, put on the outfit as if it all happened very easily, and then come out and it’s: Look at me! Look at the sexy thing I’ve done! For you, it’s the blink of an eye. It’s all very embarrassing. Just so you know.

Panties is a wonderful word. When did you stop saying “panties”? It’s sexy. It’s girlie. It’s naughty. Say it more.

About ogling: The men who look, they really look. It doesn’t insult us. It doesn’t faze us, really. It’s just — well, it’s a little infantile. Which is ironic, isn’t it? The men who constantly stare at our breasts are never the men we’re attracted to.

There are better words than beautiful. Radiant, for instance. It’s an underused word. It’s a very special word. “You are radiant.” Also, enchanting, smoldering, intoxicating, charming, fetching.

Marriage changes very little. The only things that will get a married man laid that won’t get a single man laid are adultery and whores. Intelligence and humor (and your smell) are what get you laid. That’s what got you laid when you were single. That’s what gets you laid when you’re married. Everything still works in marriage: especially intelligence and humor. Because the sexiest thing is to know you.

Source: http://thillythenny.tumblr.com/post/747294868/a-letter-to-men-by-christina-hendricks-we

Oh and I love Christina Hendricks, by the way. She's "radiant" haha.

Fiction makes sense, but truth doesn't

A lot of things don't make sense. I don't understand how I could let myself go at such a critical point. Looking back, junior year was pretty disappointing for me. There's plenty of things I could have done and tons of regrets to dwell on. And oh what do you know, I have a whole summer to think and regret. And even with swimming and hanging out at my mom's office or with friends, it's still difficult to distract myself from my own thoughts. There's always plenty to think about.

My mom says that I'm harsher on my brother than she is on him. It makes me feel guilty that she's probably right. But it's so frustrating when a spoiled kid like him has NO MANNERS. It really irks me and gets my heart pumping in anger. It's unbelievable how rude and disrespectful he can be! Sometimes I just want to lash out at him for ordering my grandparents around like they're his slaves; I cannot stand it. When I have kids, I am definitely sending them to church school. My mom said that really did me some good when I was younger. Honestly, I feel like I have so much I have to teach my brother. That as his big sister, I have too many responsibilities that I owe him. He'll be 8 years old soon, and I felt like I haven't taught him anything. I don't know what to do.

It makes me shameful to realize how attached I've become to my computer. Even when I'm away from it, I check updates from my phone. So in order to counteract that, I don't believe I will be going on AIM anytime soon. Consider it a temporary hiatus, I guess, until I figure things out and get back on track. I could go all the way and disable my Facebook, but I have friends from when I was a baby that I still want to keep in track with, and I don't want to shut myself out of the world entirely. I prefer phone calls and texting anyway, and this break from AIM will do me some good, I hope. Don't hesitate to reach me through my phone or Facebook :)

Thoughts

I don't feel like I'm in the mood to blog, but we'll see how this goes.

Best summer vacation so far. For the most part, I've hung out with the people I wanted and went to most of the places I wanted to go. The week after school ended, I've gone out everyday without too much of a complaint from my parents, although I do feel like they're saving up this kind of ammunition to use against me later. Relay for Life was more entertaining this year than last, probably because it was less freezing, but also because I've come a long way from last year. I also feel more comfortable tent-hopping and mingling with different groups of people. I've become great friends with people who I don't really see much around school and I'm less cautious to approach them. What a difference a year makes.

I think I should to yell at my brother less. I think I am an attention craver. I think I need to regain the 8 pounds I've lost since swim season ended. I think I'm mad at you but I won't admit it. I think you should focus on me and not her. I think I'm really going to miss you when you leave. I think it's really annoying how you talk to your crush now more than you talk to me, your best friend. I think you should stop complaining and whining all the time. I think people need to stop doubting themselves and start acting on what they want. I think you're a giant distraction. I think you're the best father a girl could ask for.

And as always, I don't make much sense when I blog. It's probably a bad idea to take Tylenol PM in the morning.

"I just barfed in my mouth... twice!"

I'm in one of those moods where I can accept life. Yeah it's too hard and yeah it sucks butt, but I'm okay with that. And the thing with this kind of mood is that I am still stressing out and still anticipating something (like always), but I am at peace with mostly everything. I'm taking a breather.

Lately, I've been feeling like I am exactly where I belong, in terms of relationships with my friends and family, as well as where I am in school and in life. I believe with 100% of my heart that my parents are the best kind of parents a child could want, I honestly do. I'm blessed with a brother who showers me with unconditional love, whether I deserve it or not. My grandparents have always been supportive and been there for me. Their presence is enough. I'm proud to call these three generations of people family. We all peacefully coexist under one roof too :)

And I believe I have found a group of girls whom I am so in love with. I love how these girls are respected because we are above the influence, which is rare to find on a high school campus. We don't need any kind of substance to have a good time. Honestly, I used to worry that I was starting to lose friendships because everyone else would be hanging out together while I was doing my own thing, but now I realize that's not the case. Real friendships transcend those kinds of boundaries, and everytime we hang out, it's as if we were best friends all over again, like we had never stopped. We laugh, we talk, we play, we cry, we fight, we sing, we dance, we eat, we swim, and we watch Queen Tyra, haha. They never give me a hard time or make me feel guilty for doing what I have to do, and I am very thankful for that. These kinds of friendships are the ones that every girl hopes for, and these are the people who aren't leaving my life, no matter what :) Sorry if Dorky Dana is being uber cheesy right now, but I love y'all and you know it!<3

Another huge thing is that I feel extremely grateful that I have the opportunity to participate in what I'm passionate about. I love my MHS and MTW swimmers, I love my Key Clubbers, I love my Science Olympians, I love my Chinese school buddies, I love my piano students, and I love my Union journalists. This year has taught me, most importantly, to understand how to make the most of what I have and enjoy life. Sure, I have somehow gotten myself into all of these activities and therefore, my life has been utter craziness, but I would hate to imagine life if I didn't have any of the above. I cry and complain, but that is nowhere near how much I smile and appreciate. I am lucky to be able to chase my passions. These activities add beloved friends to my life, confidence to my personality, and a whole lot more color to my day.

And my education. Oh gosh, what a love/hate relationship we've had! Letter grades will be the death of me forevermore (qualitative > quantitative), but my teachers are what make things worthwhile. This year, I've met some of the funniest (Mr. Colburn), most compassionate (Mr. Hentschke), most adorable/cutest (Ms. Conradson), smartest (Ms. Nguyen), sexiest (Madame Topping LOL), and dedicated (Ms. Meyer) teachers... although all of the qualities above apply to all of my teachers. They are all such wise people in their own unique way. I fought for this exact schedule and these exact teachers for a reason, and I have no regrets. What I learned goes above and beyond the classroom and will be a part of my life. And although everyone hates on MHS, I really don't think it's that bad. You kinda get used to what you've called home for the past three years, and although most of the time I wish I was a senior, I don't think I'm ready to leave MHS behind just yet.

This year, I have received the gift of flight (flight = freedom and car = freedom, therefore flight = car), love, hate, joy, compassion, appreciation, and knowledge. I don't know if senior year can be as great (or as stressful; it was probably an equal mix of both) as junior year, but here's to hoping :)

Fantasy

I don't know where my head has been lately, but it's definitely not where it's supposed to be. Junioritis (or just plain laziness) is hitting me HARD, and it sucks butt. I really need to pull a miracle out of my ass to maintain by GPA, or I'm gonna haaaaate myself so badly. Hey finals, please don't screw me over!!! I must somehow finish strong.

I just bought summer dresses for the first time ever! Sad huh? I'm always wearing a v-neck and shorts, how terrible! My mom got all sentimental: "When you were little, I dressed you up in a cute dress everyday! And then last year you wouldn't let me, but look! NOW you want to be a girl!" blah blah blah. These dresses I bought today make me slightly giddy though :) I need summer so badly!

Know your worth

"Cause it makes me that much stronger,
Makes me work a little bit harder,
It makes me that much wiser,
So thanks for making me a fighter.
Made me learn a little bit faster,
Made my skin a little bit thicker,
Makes me that much smarter,
So thanks for making me a fighter."
-- "Fighter," by Christina Aguilera

I have a feeling that anything I say about this will turn into a lengthy quote explication (which I hate). So I shall just say that these lyrics are quite relevant to me, as they always have been.

No progression

There are moments when I feel like I'm living the best years of my life, but then there are moments when I just want to be an entirely different person. It's rather depressing to think that there's always something to look forward to, but it will always pass. I'm starting to think that I spend most of my life anticipating something in the near future. I can't really seem to enjoy the present since I'm always looking forward.

I think I'm addicted to Facebook and AIM. Even when I leave my computer, I just log in with my iPhone. I hate it. I feel weird and uncomfortable without it. It makes me wonder what kind of generation we are becoming. As adults, will we just never leave the house?

I don't know what I want, but I definitely know what I don't want, so I shall enjoy things while they last. And for the record, clingyness, PDA, and people who take things up the butt all the time and are too serious are things that I cannot stand. I can literally feel my heart/chest area beat a little bit faster because of extreme annoyance.

The greatest people

Swim season 2010 is over. I really don't know what to say without being uber cliche, but the end of swim season is always the end of a part of my life. The daily routine of practice really grew on me. When life got hard, or when everything else was changing for the worst, I knew that getting in the pool, seeing my swimming buddies, and being able to swim my troubles away was the one thing that could remain constant. It was the one aspect of life I could always depend on and it made life a little less complicated. This year is the hardest, cause a majority of the team is the class of 2010 and everyone has gotten so much closer. We've seen each other practically naked, at our low points, being miserable and cranky at practice, and right after we just swam a terrible race, but we're still here for each other nonetheless. I feel like the seniors on the team each deserve a special little dedication, so here I go.

Wendy Yim, I honestly don't know what I am gonna do without you. We've been swimming every single day for almost 5 years now. When everyone else skipped practice for whatever odd reason, I knew it was practically a given that I would see you at practice and that was reassuring to me. I'm gonna dearly miss our daily routines of complaining about being sore/tired/cold/lazy/hungry, reluctantly changing into our swimsuits, hopping into freezing water, whining about sets, showering, gossiping, and saying "bye, see you at practice tomorrow!" It's gonna be hard to not cheer you on at meets or knowing that you're cheering me on at my events. You have been my one and only Bus Buddy for every single meet for more than two years now; that's more than 30 meets and 60 bus rides together where we've slept, talked, laughed, and took pictures. You've seen me without braces, with braces, and without braces again, and I've seen you go through the exact same process; that's how long we've known each other. We've been through so many tough sets and workouts together. You were the first face I saw at 5am in the summer and the last face I saw at 6pm in the fall, winter, and spring. You're the person that I've suffered with through all of these years. You were the one person who I could talk to about anyone on the team or even the coach without being afraid that you would go behind my back and tell that person. I love how we could trust each other, even though we hung out with a totally different group of friends at school. There's this unique bond, a different and stronger kind of friendship, when two friends have been through what we have. It's not gonna be the same with you in college and me still stuck in high school. For me, swimming isn't really swimming without my best friend. How can I look forward to next swim season without you?

Wow, I just cried -__- Geez. ugh, whatever. I'll continue anyways.

Kelvin Shing, you are such an adorable guy. I love how you always smile like a giddy little kid, no matter what. You have amazing stamina and I've always respected how you never complain about swimming or a set. I'll miss your creepy laugh, weird stare, tummy roll, and little giggle. We've been swimming together everyday for almost 4 years now, and it's hard to believe that the time is almost here where I'll probably never swim with you again. If you don't come visit us, I'll go to Shing's Hair Studio and tell your mom to call you down to Milpitas! :)

Paxton Lund-Hayes, you have the biggest personality, but along with that, you also have the biggest heart. You're like the older sister of the team, always taking care of us like a sweet older sister would. You always know how to make things a little more interesting and we love you for that. And I've always wanted to say that you have the most beautiful and fascinating eyes ever; it honestly is hard to look away. I know you've been through a lot and we aren't the closest of friends, but I do care about you and I'm always here to listen.

Anthony Duran, I gotta say that you are one amazing team captain. You have the leadership quality in you and I know it's gonna get you far. Thanks for the pizza feed and letting your family take care of a busload of hungry swimmers. I've seen you improve so much this season. I can never understand how you can do so much butterfly in one practice but it's just another aspect that I look up to. I was so proud of you when you PR'ed at finals! :) Your artwork never ceases to amaze me and I think you deserve to work at Pixar, your dream since forever right? Your girlfriend is adorable and you guys look so great together. Duran the man, you're freakin' great.

Ashley Andrews, you are such a down-to-earth girl. It's hard to believe that you are so beastly on land in basketball and volleyball, and in the pool. I don't think there's ever been a meet where we haven't been on the same relay team, and I'm always proud to have you in my relay. You are one of the nicest people I've met and I definitely hope you stay this way.

Tam Can, I think you have the cutest smile, cutest face, and cutest laugh. And I secretly love (in a non-perverted way) saying "Tam tam!" You always take care of us with your endless supply of deliciously satisfying junk food; you always have it right when I'm about to go delirious with hunger. And thanks for saving my ass when I forgot my swim suit at the biggest meet of the year. Dork and I will definitely miss you.

Marcus Fernandez, you are too funny. Thanks for always making fun of me! :) Kidding of course. I'll never look at a potato or tomato without hearing your creepy and annoying song. But honestly, you definitely are one cool kid with a great personality. And you seem like a totally capable lifeguard, as long as you don't slip on polyfiber glass haha. You better visit us!

Joanna Yau, you are one adorable girl. You have such a sweet smile that it honestly makes me want to hug you. How dare you not swim with us before! I do wish I could have gotten to know you better, especially since I just met you this year. It's hard to believe you're leaving me after we just met. Girl, you are one fast swimmer too! For some odd reason, you remind me so much of myself. I don't know how exactly, but you do. I know we would have been great friends if we could have spent more time together. Us Chinese girls gotta stick together, you know? :) I do wish you all the best in life and hopefully we'll see each other again someday.

Matias Espinoza, you are one awesome swimmer. I like how you love playing pranks and just overall had a good attitude about everything. Great job organizing the Hometown Buffet dinner, it was definitely a good idea and I'm glad the plan came through. You, Stephen, and Marcus are such goofballs, but you guys know how to make things more fun.

And to Zack Liang, Vincent Page, Kevin Vuong, Dorothy Hoang, Amy Tran, Michelle, Katherine Vuong, Yvonne Pham, Kristi Pontipiedra, Annie Hsu, Stephen Vu, Jason Jung, and the rest of my beloved MHS swimmers: If you guys dare quit on me next year, you better watch out! The team definitely isn't the same without any of you.