A lot of things don't make sense. I don't understand how I could let myself go at such a critical point. Looking back, junior year was pretty disappointing for me. There's plenty of things I could have done and tons of regrets to dwell on. And oh what do you know, I have a whole summer to think and regret. And even with swimming and hanging out at my mom's office or with friends, it's still difficult to distract myself from my own thoughts. There's always plenty to think about.
My mom says that I'm harsher on my brother than she is on him. It makes me feel guilty that she's probably right. But it's so frustrating when a spoiled kid like him has NO MANNERS. It really irks me and gets my heart pumping in anger. It's unbelievable how rude and disrespectful he can be! Sometimes I just want to lash out at him for ordering my grandparents around like they're his slaves; I cannot stand it. When I have kids, I am definitely sending them to church school. My mom said that really did me some good when I was younger. Honestly, I feel like I have so much I have to teach my brother. That as his big sister, I have too many responsibilities that I owe him. He'll be 8 years old soon, and I felt like I haven't taught him anything. I don't know what to do.
It makes me shameful to realize how attached I've become to my computer. Even when I'm away from it, I check updates from my phone. So in order to counteract that, I don't believe I will be going on AIM anytime soon. Consider it a temporary hiatus, I guess, until I figure things out and get back on track. I could go all the way and disable my Facebook, but I have friends from when I was a baby that I still want to keep in track with, and I don't want to shut myself out of the world entirely. I prefer phone calls and texting anyway, and this break from AIM will do me some good, I hope. Don't hesitate to reach me through my phone or Facebook :)
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