Chugging along

I don't like being moody, but I am a terribly moody person. I'm sure it annoys my closest friends and it definitely annoys me too. I don't really understand how I can be completely I'm-on-top-of-the-world euphoric and fuck-off-cause-I-don't-give-a-flying-fuck pissed the next minute. And there are a few certain people I take it out on that don't deserve it at all; I'm sorry and please bear with me. I sincerely hope that when the stress of high school is over, I will be my sweet old self from... 4th grade? haha. Buuuuuuut, not likely. College will be worse.

My internet addiction is disgraceful. And I'm hungry all the freakin' time. I have no self-control when it comes to internet and food. If it weren't for swimming, I would send my weight scale on a hey day. And I would like to completely ignore homework like a badass if it weren't for the consequences of failing. Actually, no need. My grades in school are pretty ridiculous; I feel ashamed even thinking about it.

I wish I could somehow train my mind into making me a morning person. I wake up every morning feeling like I would trade my life just to sleep forever. I feel like I need caffeine but I would like to hold off on an addiction for as long as I can. And I've been starting to get painful migraines throughout the day, especially after I take a test or if I'm thinking too hard. I usually just stab my temples with my finger and hope that one pain will cancel out the other. I am resisting from painkillers too; that would be even worse than a coffee addiction.

One day, my brother is going to pwn at swimming. By his glory days, he will be a beast and totally enviable. Right now, he's just guppy/fish-like. However, he's darker than me now. By summer, we will be as black as this nasty, rotten banana three inches to my left, because we are already quite chocolate-y and it's only April!

Koreans have like the best music, hottest pop singers, yummiest foods, and they are the masters of dramas. It seems like such a wonderful world in Korea. I have new found appreciation for anything Korean. (oh haaaay! if you could recommend some great new Korean songs, that would be just too kind of you<3)

I need to find some motivation to power through these last few weeks of junior year. After DCON (OMFG! 2 DAYS!!!) and Junior Prom (YAAAY! 9 DAYS!!!), I will have nothing interesting going on other than school-related nonsense. I feel like I need some spice in my life.

The Little Things

I really wish I went to Trojan Olympics this year, especially since being a part of the team freshman year was one of the best experiences. I hate when I have to choose between academics and fun... but these days, every choice I make will affect where I go in life. All this talk about college acceptances and rejections for the class of 2010 is even stressing me out. I will admit that I am pretty jealous of certain seniors who worked their ass off and receive beautiful acceptance letters. And also of visiting college freshmen who rub their wonderful college experiences in our innocent faces (*ahem.. An, Vivian, and Ivy haha<3). My fate awaits me in one year.

There are times in life when I feel lonely. I've come to realize there's different kinds of loneliness: there's the kind when you're constantly surrounded by people that love you but you can't really relate to, the kind where you know you have great people to talk to but find it hard to connect or relate to, the kind where you're right next to those people but still feel a certain kind of emptiness, the kind where you want to talk to certain people but are scared to approach them, the kind where you feel like you are completely isolated from the world, and the kind where it's just you and your own little thoughts. I think I manage to go through a cycle of all of these variations from time to time. And I guess the best way to solve these problems is just to snap out of it and do something productive.

I'd like to say that guys, in general, fail at taking initiative. And then there are those that don't understand when we are totally not interested in them. I see many, TOO many, cases where these little boys wimp out at the chance of being men, or think they are men when they are actually far from it, and it's rather disheartening. And also, girls (most girls) are NOT dumb. Yes, we get your hints. And yes, we do drop hints. We are, in fact, very aware of how we present ourselves and how you guys present yourselves. And believe it or not, we do have a general idea of how you feel towards us. Am I right ladies?

And I would like to give a shoutout to my hoodlum friends (the ladies with the initials ABCCCMVV) who dress like hoodlums, walk like hoodlums, and ditch class like hoodlums teehee ;) CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WE ALL ARE GOING TO PROM?! And with dates too! Hella cla$sy/bo$s or what? You ladies are my gangster BAMFs and I love love love you!

*Happy birthday Courtney Caglia-Hilty!

The Basics

So I told my parents about prom, and... wait for it... they are supportive about it! BIG SURPRISE RIGHT? I thought they would give me crap about it but my mom was just like "Okay, let's go get a dress! You know, you have to go to your high school prom. I feel like if I didn't let you, you would have some kind of psychological wound and that's not good!" and my dad's just like "Is your date taller than me??" hahaha silly dad. I feel like I've come so far as a daughter. I've never had a full-blown rebellious stage; only arguments here and there (although some were quite dramatic). Even still, the disagreements are extremely rare nowadays. I think the last time I've argued with my parents was around a year ago? There isn't much of a reason to anymore. They trust me to do what I gotta do with my priorities and I respect them and listen. As always, I am extremely thankful for my family and I love love love them.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I would live a sad, sad life without swimming. I think I would be reduced to a bare minimum without it. Swimming can be the solution to most problems. Stressed? Swim your head off and your mind is cleared. Sick? Swim a few laps and no more runny nose, haha. Fat? Ate too much again? Swim that weight off! Depressed? Go to MHS swim practice with some of the coolest people ever<3 I don't believe I would be who I am today without my team and a pool nearby.

When I have reached a certain age of maturity (which basically means when I get a real job), I am going to blow my first paycheck on high-heels and then wear a pair every time I leave my apartment/house/dorm. I have no clue why I am so in love with them, but I am! Especially stilettos and booties. This is probably surprising since I wear boring shoes all the time. Heels, however, are gorgeous and they make me feel very happy. Clothes are ehhh to me, unless it's a beautiful dress, but shoes are the best part of an outfit.

It's really difficult to consume a healthy diet, especially with a license, a car, and some freetime after swimming practice. My new rules are to stay away from rice at dinner, drink water only, eat breakfast so I don't feel hungry all day, and remind myself that I must stay in shape for swimming (and now prom) whenever I am ordering at a restaurant. It's especially hard right now as I type, since I am really craving some Ghirardelli chocolate... be right back! :D

Who's excited for prom? ME! :)

Blissful

I feel like I'm in a really good place in my life. Sure, I complain now and then but nothing that really affects my outlook. My parents are totally supportive and my brother always makes me smile; my friends are always great, especially you gang of amazing girls, along with tram and dorkatron lol; school is still rather worrisome but not deadly; and I'm really getting used to juggling and truly enjoying my extracurriculars. I feel like for once, things are going right. I once again feel blessed to live each day instead of wanting to fast forward to the future. And I believe I am in this mood because I'm finally exercising/swimming since November 2009, so more healthy blood is flowing to my brain! haha. Swimming makes me such a happy and better person, and I love love love it. And maybe driving too, driving everyday to school and back makes me feel so good haha.

I was talking with a friend about this the other day, but I wonder what my blog really says about me. Looking back at old entries, I guess you can learn a whole lot about me if you read between the lines. I'm not the type of person to say much, but I guess my everyday thoughts on here say enough, especially if you're cool enough too decipher my meanings :)

I love all this talk about Junior Prom. Who's wearing what dress, who's going with who, who's eating where with who... how exciting! Once I "do what I gotta go" and decide on my dress, I will be like a happy ticking bomb, ready to explode on prom night! And hopefully senior ball too :D