Here and there

I really need to spend less time on the computer. I have a faint memory of making some computer rules for myself back when school started but I haven't really been following them at all. But from now on, and I WILL try this time, I'll become an endangered species on AIM and I'm gonna seriously limit my Facebook time. I'm really beginning to think my time has gone to waste and I want it back.

My October SAT scores really disappointed me, to an extent in which I will not elaborate on here (let's just say that I did not take it well at all and I am still rather sensitive if someone brings it up). But my mom and I have had a real heart-to-heart talk and I've come to realize that no matter what, she is always right. She has always known the bigger picture better than I ever have. I want to listen to her and I'm gonna try to listen to her.

I'm losing focus in school. I can't seem to concentrate or summon enough energy to really try anymore and I can't figure out why. I convince myself that I'm doing my best but I know I'm not. My test grades are depressing and I have strong urges to call myself stupid, useless, etc... but in actuality, I know why I don't do well anymore. I've stopped studying, I've stopped actually trying to learn, and because of that, I've lost a lot of my confidence in my abilities. I still want that A more than ever, but I'm not doing as much as I should to actually earn it. In the end, I'm trying to juggle six challenging classes where I have mediocre and unacceptable grades (except French 3, but that doesn't even matter) and I hate myself for even having my grade that low in the first place. It's gonna be an uphill battle to bring my grades back but I have no other choice but to do it.

I am starting to notice that any conversation about the randomest thing in the world always manages to end up turning into a conversation about colleges/college apps/SATs. It's starting to bother me because I don't especially like talking about it on a daily basis, but it always happens. Have you noticed that?

Happy birthday my love Ashleezy. I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to the lunch, but do know that I love you and I sincerely hope you had a wonderful time because you truly do deserve it.

Hi Donkey Kong :)

Sleep no more

I am really bad at memorizing things, due to my sucky memory. And I need to buy something to get rid of those dark circles under my eyes. I have been getting 5-6 hours of sleep each night and sleep deprivation makes me feel miserable, vulnerable, and extremely moody. Everything is instantly interpreted by me to be more dramatic than it would have been interpreted in reality. I am so drained, emotionally and physically.

You know the character, Ross, in Macbeth? I really feel like we have a lot in common, and not in a good way. I feel like I am not as honest to certain people as I should be, sometimes because a certain person told me not to and sometimes because I didn't want to for my own reasons (selfish much?). Or maybe I am just overreacting. God, I really need some damn sleep!!

Yay my mommy is back from Canada! And OMG she bought maple cream cookies!<3 And OMG there is a chocolate version, like Oreos! Or should I say... biscuits a la creme d'erable & biscuits au chocolat a la creme d'erable.