I know it sounds cliche (and i hate starting my sentences off that way) but i wish i could go back to elementary school, when things were so much simpler. I was talking to my friend, Nalini, and we were just reminiscing about rainbow bridge... the simple lessons we learned, about sharing and being nice (even though i hated sharing, was pretty bossy, and kinda weird). When the biggest drama was if i actually picked my boogers or not during the test. (forreal tho, i didn't. but i ended up hating the girl that accused me of doing it) Looking back, in a way, it was fun arguing about things like that. No strings attached, no one got emotionally hurt, friends again the next day. But now its like.. people fight to the mental death, friendships are sabotaged, personalities crushed, reputations trampled on. And then i realized how much we have grown apart and changed, like when this girl who was my best friend in 2nd grade now thinks I'm dead! (For some strange, unexplainable reason) Literally going our separate paths (by paths, I mean high school) and trying to figure out which classmate went to which high school cause each one went to a different one. It's just so different from now (I cant find a better word, because its just... different). I never imagined life would be any more complicated than it was back then. Nobody really warned me and I guess I didn't mentally prepare myself. This is when an older sibling would come in handy.
In contrast, me, Meera, and Victoria went to Starbucks and talked about COLLEGE. What a big, scary word. It's sophomore year, and I don't think a lot of people realize that. This year and next year (junior year) will be THE MOST IMPORTANT YEARS OF OUR LIVES. If i could emphasize it anymore then I just did, I would. If we screw up, it will affect what college we get in, what job we get, and will determine money and happiness, as well as where we go with THE REST OF OUR LIVES, the rest of our 80 or so years! These 2 years can decide whether you go the path of a married millionare or a single lady with a cubicle! Whether you marry a smart, well-educated man or a fucking hobo! We are only 15-16 years old and already are being faced with something so definite, so absolute, basically choosing our destiny.
I am determined and disciplined. (Must repeat that sentence 10x everyday so I don't forget) And I know that but sometimes I don't let it sink in, I don't let it manifest itself in what I do. I WILL be somebody one day, you'll see.
So then we (the 3 of us) talked about sex. It doesnt really shock me anymore when i hear.. oh, that so-and-so high school has like 20 people who lost it to their then-boyfriend/girlfriend. But when it occurs at YOUR OWN SCHOOL, its so fucking unbelievable. Like it finally hits close to home. Especially when you knew those people since you were young. It's such a huge deal, but no one feels that way! I mean, I'm no saint but honestly, that is so damn stupid and although it sounds contradictory, it is just plain immature. And then when I think about what I just wrote in paragraph 2, it's like.. do you know what you are doing to yourself and your FUTURE? You WILL pay for it later. It's all about karma, baby. And karma+life=2x the bitch.
Whew, I got a load off my chest. I was thinking about these things for the past few weeks and I needed to just let it spill out of me. But daaaaamn, I think I'm beginning to grow up, whether i like it or not.
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