I have too much to say about the past few weeks that I... don't even know what to say. All I think about nowadays is college. My daily pattern is this:
- I wonder if I'll get into college
- I'm hungry.
- What if I don't?
- I'm thirsty.
- Which college?
- I'm sleepy.
- What if they don't like me?
- I wonder what he/she (some random person) is thinking right now.
- I need to get into college.
It's the "What if"'s in life that will slowly cause you to decay away, but they always invade my mind. I miss everything about junior year: how people were simple and not all complicated and trashy, my positive attitude towards school, my not-too-challenging but not easy classes, and most importantly, the class of 2010. I feel like I've lost so many friends in June, friends who went off to New York, San Francisco, Davis... they all just disappeared. I'm trying not to think about it too much. What if certain things had happened? Well, nothing really happened, so it's pointless to dwell. Would anything change? Probably not. After all, everything happens for a reason right? This has slowly become my motto.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Tweaking
My English teacher said that we go through a difficult time if we see things as burdens as opposed to challenges. It was relevant to his lesson on the connotation of words. Challenges are mostly seen as positive while burdens are negative. I felt like he was talking about me. I need to stop being Negative Nancy. It's not a good thing when everything becomes a burden: waking up, school, tests, clubs, journalism, playing with my brother, homework... even swimming!
I feel a cold coming on. I don't think it's natural to be sick twice in the past two months, especially around the hottest months of the year. I think the absence of swimming, exponential increase in stress, lack of vitamins (because I'm always thinking of something else and forget to take them), and unusual eating habits due to the absence of swimming are the reasons for this sickness. Oh and a few minutes ago, my mom said I'm breaking out again. Great.
On the bright side (because there always is one), I do hope I win Homecoming Queen :)
I feel a cold coming on. I don't think it's natural to be sick twice in the past two months, especially around the hottest months of the year. I think the absence of swimming, exponential increase in stress, lack of vitamins (because I'm always thinking of something else and forget to take them), and unusual eating habits due to the absence of swimming are the reasons for this sickness. Oh and a few minutes ago, my mom said I'm breaking out again. Great.
On the bright side (because there always is one), I do hope I win Homecoming Queen :)
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Endings
Two days ago, I watched the San Bruno fire on TV from moments after it happened. I was initially pretty annoyed when "Breaking News" interrupted my Friends episode, but this was serious. I stared at the fire for two hours, just watching the devastation.
Yesterday, thoughts and images of the Columbine shooting consumed my mind after the Rachel's Challenge program came to our school. I know it's supposed to be positive and uplifting, but I find it difficult to create that kind of strength when we are faced with so much death and despair. Life is just not fair for so many people.
Today is the ninth anniversary of September 11, 2001. I have seen countless photo albums of the terrorist attacks and watched and rewatched a video of the actual event, from the immediate aftermath of the plane crash all the way to the collapse of both towers followed by screams and crying all over the streets of New York. It was heartbreaking. For some reason, I let myself look up the biographies of the hijackers and read the timeline of events for that morning.
These three days have just been too much to handle. I just need to get into a different mindset, but it's hard.
Yesterday, thoughts and images of the Columbine shooting consumed my mind after the Rachel's Challenge program came to our school. I know it's supposed to be positive and uplifting, but I find it difficult to create that kind of strength when we are faced with so much death and despair. Life is just not fair for so many people.
Today is the ninth anniversary of September 11, 2001. I have seen countless photo albums of the terrorist attacks and watched and rewatched a video of the actual event, from the immediate aftermath of the plane crash all the way to the collapse of both towers followed by screams and crying all over the streets of New York. It was heartbreaking. For some reason, I let myself look up the biographies of the hijackers and read the timeline of events for that morning.
These three days have just been too much to handle. I just need to get into a different mindset, but it's hard.
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