A lot of things don't make sense. I don't understand how I could let myself go at such a critical point. Looking back, junior year was pretty disappointing for me. There's plenty of things I could have done and tons of regrets to dwell on. And oh what do you know, I have a whole summer to think and regret. And even with swimming and hanging out at my mom's office or with friends, it's still difficult to distract myself from my own thoughts. There's always plenty to think about.
My mom says that I'm harsher on my brother than she is on him. It makes me feel guilty that she's probably right. But it's so frustrating when a spoiled kid like him has NO MANNERS. It really irks me and gets my heart pumping in anger. It's unbelievable how rude and disrespectful he can be! Sometimes I just want to lash out at him for ordering my grandparents around like they're his slaves; I cannot stand it. When I have kids, I am definitely sending them to church school. My mom said that really did me some good when I was younger. Honestly, I feel like I have so much I have to teach my brother. That as his big sister, I have too many responsibilities that I owe him. He'll be 8 years old soon, and I felt like I haven't taught him anything. I don't know what to do.
It makes me shameful to realize how attached I've become to my computer. Even when I'm away from it, I check updates from my phone. So in order to counteract that, I don't believe I will be going on AIM anytime soon. Consider it a temporary hiatus, I guess, until I figure things out and get back on track. I could go all the way and disable my Facebook, but I have friends from when I was a baby that I still want to keep in track with, and I don't want to shut myself out of the world entirely. I prefer phone calls and texting anyway, and this break from AIM will do me some good, I hope. Don't hesitate to reach me through my phone or Facebook :)
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Thoughts
I don't feel like I'm in the mood to blog, but we'll see how this goes.
Best summer vacation so far. For the most part, I've hung out with the people I wanted and went to most of the places I wanted to go. The week after school ended, I've gone out everyday without too much of a complaint from my parents, although I do feel like they're saving up this kind of ammunition to use against me later. Relay for Life was more entertaining this year than last, probably because it was less freezing, but also because I've come a long way from last year. I also feel more comfortable tent-hopping and mingling with different groups of people. I've become great friends with people who I don't really see much around school and I'm less cautious to approach them. What a difference a year makes.
I think I should to yell at my brother less. I think I am an attention craver. I think I need to regain the 8 pounds I've lost since swim season ended. I think I'm mad at you but I won't admit it. I think you should focus on me and not her. I think I'm really going to miss you when you leave. I think it's really annoying how you talk to your crush now more than you talk to me, your best friend. I think you should stop complaining and whining all the time. I think people need to stop doubting themselves and start acting on what they want. I think you're a giant distraction. I think you're the best father a girl could ask for.
And as always, I don't make much sense when I blog. It's probably a bad idea to take Tylenol PM in the morning.
Best summer vacation so far. For the most part, I've hung out with the people I wanted and went to most of the places I wanted to go. The week after school ended, I've gone out everyday without too much of a complaint from my parents, although I do feel like they're saving up this kind of ammunition to use against me later. Relay for Life was more entertaining this year than last, probably because it was less freezing, but also because I've come a long way from last year. I also feel more comfortable tent-hopping and mingling with different groups of people. I've become great friends with people who I don't really see much around school and I'm less cautious to approach them. What a difference a year makes.
I think I should to yell at my brother less. I think I am an attention craver. I think I need to regain the 8 pounds I've lost since swim season ended. I think I'm mad at you but I won't admit it. I think you should focus on me and not her. I think I'm really going to miss you when you leave. I think it's really annoying how you talk to your crush now more than you talk to me, your best friend. I think you should stop complaining and whining all the time. I think people need to stop doubting themselves and start acting on what they want. I think you're a giant distraction. I think you're the best father a girl could ask for.
And as always, I don't make much sense when I blog. It's probably a bad idea to take Tylenol PM in the morning.
Monday, June 7, 2010
"I just barfed in my mouth... twice!"
I'm in one of those moods where I can accept life. Yeah it's too hard and yeah it sucks butt, but I'm okay with that. And the thing with this kind of mood is that I am still stressing out and still anticipating something (like always), but I am at peace with mostly everything. I'm taking a breather.
Lately, I've been feeling like I am exactly where I belong, in terms of relationships with my friends and family, as well as where I am in school and in life. I believe with 100% of my heart that my parents are the best kind of parents a child could want, I honestly do. I'm blessed with a brother who showers me with unconditional love, whether I deserve it or not. My grandparents have always been supportive and been there for me. Their presence is enough. I'm proud to call these three generations of people family. We all peacefully coexist under one roof too :)
And I believe I have found a group of girls whom I am so in love with. I love how these girls are respected because we are above the influence, which is rare to find on a high school campus. We don't need any kind of substance to have a good time. Honestly, I used to worry that I was starting to lose friendships because everyone else would be hanging out together while I was doing my own thing, but now I realize that's not the case. Real friendships transcend those kinds of boundaries, and everytime we hang out, it's as if we were best friends all over again, like we had never stopped. We laugh, we talk, we play, we cry, we fight, we sing, we dance, we eat, we swim, and we watch Queen Tyra, haha. They never give me a hard time or make me feel guilty for doing what I have to do, and I am very thankful for that. These kinds of friendships are the ones that every girl hopes for, and these are the people who aren't leaving my life, no matter what :) Sorry if Dorky Dana is being uber cheesy right now, but I love y'all and you know it!<3
Another huge thing is that I feel extremely grateful that I have the opportunity to participate in what I'm passionate about. I love my MHS and MTW swimmers, I love my Key Clubbers, I love my Science Olympians, I love my Chinese school buddies, I love my piano students, and I love my Union journalists. This year has taught me, most importantly, to understand how to make the most of what I have and enjoy life. Sure, I have somehow gotten myself into all of these activities and therefore, my life has been utter craziness, but I would hate to imagine life if I didn't have any of the above. I cry and complain, but that is nowhere near how much I smile and appreciate. I am lucky to be able to chase my passions. These activities add beloved friends to my life, confidence to my personality, and a whole lot more color to my day.
And my education. Oh gosh, what a love/hate relationship we've had! Letter grades will be the death of me forevermore (qualitative > quantitative), but my teachers are what make things worthwhile. This year, I've met some of the funniest (Mr. Colburn), most compassionate (Mr. Hentschke), most adorable/cutest (Ms. Conradson), smartest (Ms. Nguyen), sexiest (Madame Topping LOL), and dedicated (Ms. Meyer) teachers... although all of the qualities above apply to all of my teachers. They are all such wise people in their own unique way. I fought for this exact schedule and these exact teachers for a reason, and I have no regrets. What I learned goes above and beyond the classroom and will be a part of my life. And although everyone hates on MHS, I really don't think it's that bad. You kinda get used to what you've called home for the past three years, and although most of the time I wish I was a senior, I don't think I'm ready to leave MHS behind just yet.
This year, I have received the gift of flight (flight = freedom and car = freedom, therefore flight = car), love, hate, joy, compassion, appreciation, and knowledge. I don't know if senior year can be as great (or as stressful; it was probably an equal mix of both) as junior year, but here's to hoping :)
Lately, I've been feeling like I am exactly where I belong, in terms of relationships with my friends and family, as well as where I am in school and in life. I believe with 100% of my heart that my parents are the best kind of parents a child could want, I honestly do. I'm blessed with a brother who showers me with unconditional love, whether I deserve it or not. My grandparents have always been supportive and been there for me. Their presence is enough. I'm proud to call these three generations of people family. We all peacefully coexist under one roof too :)
And I believe I have found a group of girls whom I am so in love with. I love how these girls are respected because we are above the influence, which is rare to find on a high school campus. We don't need any kind of substance to have a good time. Honestly, I used to worry that I was starting to lose friendships because everyone else would be hanging out together while I was doing my own thing, but now I realize that's not the case. Real friendships transcend those kinds of boundaries, and everytime we hang out, it's as if we were best friends all over again, like we had never stopped. We laugh, we talk, we play, we cry, we fight, we sing, we dance, we eat, we swim, and we watch Queen Tyra, haha. They never give me a hard time or make me feel guilty for doing what I have to do, and I am very thankful for that. These kinds of friendships are the ones that every girl hopes for, and these are the people who aren't leaving my life, no matter what :) Sorry if Dorky Dana is being uber cheesy right now, but I love y'all and you know it!<3
Another huge thing is that I feel extremely grateful that I have the opportunity to participate in what I'm passionate about. I love my MHS and MTW swimmers, I love my Key Clubbers, I love my Science Olympians, I love my Chinese school buddies, I love my piano students, and I love my Union journalists. This year has taught me, most importantly, to understand how to make the most of what I have and enjoy life. Sure, I have somehow gotten myself into all of these activities and therefore, my life has been utter craziness, but I would hate to imagine life if I didn't have any of the above. I cry and complain, but that is nowhere near how much I smile and appreciate. I am lucky to be able to chase my passions. These activities add beloved friends to my life, confidence to my personality, and a whole lot more color to my day.
And my education. Oh gosh, what a love/hate relationship we've had! Letter grades will be the death of me forevermore (qualitative > quantitative), but my teachers are what make things worthwhile. This year, I've met some of the funniest (Mr. Colburn), most compassionate (Mr. Hentschke), most adorable/cutest (Ms. Conradson), smartest (Ms. Nguyen), sexiest (Madame Topping LOL), and dedicated (Ms. Meyer) teachers... although all of the qualities above apply to all of my teachers. They are all such wise people in their own unique way. I fought for this exact schedule and these exact teachers for a reason, and I have no regrets. What I learned goes above and beyond the classroom and will be a part of my life. And although everyone hates on MHS, I really don't think it's that bad. You kinda get used to what you've called home for the past three years, and although most of the time I wish I was a senior, I don't think I'm ready to leave MHS behind just yet.
This year, I have received the gift of flight (flight = freedom and car = freedom, therefore flight = car), love, hate, joy, compassion, appreciation, and knowledge. I don't know if senior year can be as great (or as stressful; it was probably an equal mix of both) as junior year, but here's to hoping :)
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