I didn't laugh at my mom's joke today when she she scared me about some college deadline so she said that my "heart needs a jumpstart now and then." And being the pissy and irrational me that I am (having a crazy and busy ass day involving math test review at 7am, two Science Olympiad meetings, redoing my chem lab, journalism deadlines, Salvation Army community service, and Borders gift wrap didn't help either), I was like "Wow you can't give me that, do you realize all the crap and stress that I go through nowadays BECAUSE of what you want?" So begins an argument about how I'm not her "sweet little girl" anymore and ends in me crying because she's right; I'm not. High school does things to you, it hardens you. However, how can my parents expect me to get into a top college by being "sweet"? In this real world that we live in, you would get trampled over. So instead, I learn from my previous mistakes, develop somewhat of a ruthless attitude to get what I want and I subsequently remember what I did right, but in the process, I guess I just lose a lot of myself.
My mom gives me crap now and then, but I know that I give her way more than she deserves. She can be stubborn, temperamental, and unforgiving but I inherited these traits on a much bigger scale. And my dad is just the sweetest guy in the world, no matter what. (I got a postcard from "Santa" today, written in his handwriting). I love both of them more than anything else and I'm a horrible person for not showing it as much as I should. Damn it, fuck me, I'm such a bitch.
1 comment:
You're not a bitch Caroline. Dude, we are teenage girls going through hell at school working hard to get to a college to keep working hard. It eventually takes a toll on us, ya know? And you know your parents love you like crazy, its unconditional, and that's why they understand (even if it doesnt seem that way) when you snap. Just make sure you apologize and mean it. I love you darling and if you feel like you dont want to take the stress out on your parents, come to talk to me. I am your dr.phil after all <3
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