Where to go from here

My parents have been giving me a lot of crap lately about colleges and stuff, which is not a big surprise seeing as that I'm a rising senior, but my parents are sneaky and clever. They know exactly what to say to attack me. And honestly, each time they mention it, there's a little insult somewhere in what they're saying, whether it be a snarky comment or a drawn-out lecture. It's the kind of insult that nags me and slowly eats away at me until I feel like a hopeless failure. I don't know how they do it, but they're good at it. Lately, I've been feeling pretty down in the dumps. I wouldn't say depressed because it's simply not that serious, but I've had my moments of desperation/anger. Oh but that's not enough! No more hangouts for the rest of summer, meaning my weekends are just me condemned to my house pretending to do something productive. All I have each day is an hour after swimming practice where I say that I'm getting lunch, when I'm actually spending an hour with a friend. It's all I have.

I know this is absolutely silly, but those two hours just made my entire summer. It's definitely my teenage heart talking here, but I'll be satisfied with my life for a while, thanks to you. It's funny how the tiniest gestures can mean so much.

Inception

I'll try to avoid hopping on the Inception bandwagon of talking about how amazing the special effects are or how hot Leo or JoGoLev was, by saying that no film has ever made me think so deeply about the world around me and life in general. Instead of discussing the meaning of life as I see it, which would inevitably take hours of thinking and typing, I'll just say that the movie enforces some of my original beliefs, as well as offer new perspectives. I'm sure that planting new ideas is what cinematic genius Christopher Nolan desired in his audience, as ideas are "the most resilient parasite" and what the movie revolves around (The word inception means beginning or commencement). It's difficult to really explain all the mumble jumble of thoughts that I have floating around my head, as they hardly even make sense to me, but my mind has nonstop been at work since 3:15pm yesterday. That movie really does give you a lot to think about. Nothing I say will do it true justice, so I highly recommend watching it.

Of course, there are other interpretations online that also gave me insight; one of which I found quite interesting here.

Faith

When I was a child, I was baptized as a Christian and spent my first three years of school (preschool to second grade) at Marquette Manor Baptist Church and Academy in Downers Grove, Illinois. It wasn't just some random church we dropped into either; people in our community took church very seriously, dressing up in their Sunday best complete with modest dresses and tuxedos. My mom used to say that one of the many reasons she loved church was that she could dress me up in the frilliest dress there was, as if I was her little doll. Since our family moved to California, however, we got caught up in all the opportunities and excitement that we didn't really have the chance to go, which is something I have been regretting for a long time.

So recently my mom brought the topic of church up and I wholeheartedly agreed that we should return to that habit. We don't even know which church to start at but my mom seems keen on visiting the Cathedral Basilica of Saint Joseph in downtown San Jose. It's a beautiful and elegant church and they supposedly have great services as well. It's Catholic, but we're open-minded, seeing as that we haven't participated in a church activity in 10 years now. We'll be attending the Saturday mass at 4:30pm, and if you're interested in joining us, let me know :)

I honestly think that regularly attending church (which, for me back then, was everyday) was a huge factor in shaping who I am today; it taught me manners, faith, hope, love, and perseverance. My mom says that I don't have that many rebellious impulses because I grew up in a stable environment. But nowadays, I feel like I really need something to believe in at this point in my life and I'm ashamed when I can't recall simple Bible stories that are so common knowledge. I am definitely looking forward to returning to my faith.

I wish my brother was given the chance that I was given at such a young age. He is a wonderful human being but I feel like he could somehow be a better person with that kind of influence. I wouldn't say this about every child because, after all, who am I to be an all-knowing parent, but I think that attending church regularly is one of the single most important things a child can participate in. One day, I hope my children will be lucky enough to have that opportunity.