Today my dad told me to relax a little and to get some more sleep. I can't decide whether or not his words came at the right time. I want to blame him and my mom for winding me up to want more than I can get, to take on more than I can handle, to compare what I do with those around me, but then I feel a wave of guilt. I am thankful that they have allowed me to pursue whatever tickled my fancy because I love what I do. I love everything, give or take moments of frustration. If I didn't love it, I wouldn't do it. But right now, I know that things are starting to bite me in the ass. I can't give a half-assed effort in the endeavors that I pursue and expect a full reward.
I think I have developed a pattern. A lifetime ago, you scarred me. I was young, confused, and didn't fully realize the extent of my feelings. I still don't. Most of how I react is either directly or indirectly caused by you. That's how big of an impact you had on me, and I bet you don't even realize it. And after all these years, you still look the same.
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